Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Prissy

Prissy

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 582

You deserved it 7 282

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Same thing different taste

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 105

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 260

You deserved it 18 045

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 259

You deserved it 25 002

Sex Ed is broken

By asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 713

You deserved it 9 376

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 2 141

By oldskoolfun - 26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 10 685

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 538

You deserved it 15 220

By anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 4 233

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 679

You deserved it 3 280

sportmaster525 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

wow that is one super conservative wife

blah123blah 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

LOL! Its kinda natural...

Comments

Caldwell94 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:24

she'll send him to counseling and the counselor will give him a doll and say "now show me where you touched yourself"

lovelylilly 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:27

your wife needs to pull her head out of the sand and face the real world....

Tag2Ignite 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:30

dude trying to picture obama whacking one one off is kind of disturbing, now that you mention it.

BigMonkey34 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:33

i was getting ready to loosen my goose right now too

awkwardturtle101 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:36

Divorce her right ******* now.

ChefBoy6382 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:34

divorce her, SHE IS A MORON!!!!!!!!!

AriesPrincess91 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:43

lol. im so srry but its just funny. that really wasn't what she wanted to hear u, know. LOL she probably didn't even mean it and it was just an overreaction, if she really thinks something was wrong with you, she would've left u by now

misschristineeee 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:48

ok seriously everyone who says everyone does it. shut up. im 16 AND CATHOLIC and i know for a fact not everyone does it. it is natural- but for the poeple who are like "yeahh i do it like 5+ times a day", you must have nothing to do in life. cuz some people dont NEED it on a regular basis. dont get me wrong for some people its normal, but you dont NEED to do it.

Maxine17 8

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:48

...She sounds fun to live with.

Calaura9 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:51

I didn't ********** until I was 19 with a vibrator... I didn't know that women could really ******. I thought it was made up until I had one and I haven't stopped since. But if I was a part of the masturbation study before 19 I would have never touched myself.

misschristineeee 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:52

Tiefling_Tasha 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:54

Maybe if you did you'd lighten the **** up. ;P

zee209 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 1:01

What does being catholic have to do with it?! Catholic people ********** too!

jaybirdka 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 2:24

loosen up and enjoy life you wench. god won't care because there is no god....

dramakat11 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 2:33

I get frequent urges...I don't need it to survive but I pretty much can't resist. Life is so much more enjoyable with a high libido! You should get revved up. HELL YEAH I've got nothing better to do with my evenings than have really hot sex with my bf and ********** a couple times...not because I have no life but because nothing is better!!!