Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Prissy

Prissy

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 582

You deserved it 7 282

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Same thing different taste

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 105

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 260

You deserved it 18 045

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 259

You deserved it 25 002

Sex Ed is broken

By asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 713

You deserved it 9 376

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 2 141

By oldskoolfun - 26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 10 685

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 538

You deserved it 15 220

By anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 4 233

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 679

You deserved it 3 280

sportmaster525 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

wow that is one super conservative wife

blah123blah 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

LOL! Its kinda natural...

Comments

xSceneSceneBabyx 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 23:31

OOO! you're gonna need some ice for that burn! haha, I couldn't help but laugh at this! yet I feel sorry for you

maximumoverdrive 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 23:34

unless he's under 10 years old (10-12 is pushing it) masturbation is completely normal, especially for a guy.

airplanefood 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 23:39

She is crazy, but she isn't a hypocrite. I'm sure she never masturbated as a teen, and so she's just ignorant and thinks it's normal not to. I don't think she's to blame, that's just how she was raised - just make her realize that ALL teenage boys do it (even someone like Obama). Plenty of my girlfriends have never masturbated as teens so don't flame her for being some sort of psychopath, it's normal both to ********** and to not **********. Though, FYL and your son's if she's actually going to try to send him to counseling. Actually, where is she even going to find a therapist that believes masturbation is some product of a mental disorder?

Ashleydiane 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 23:41

everyone should ********** it's normal!

live_your_life_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 23:47

ouchh. nice wife.

FlaminYawn 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 23:48

I've been jackin off since I was 4, I even wrote a ditty about it..Been jackin off since I was 4 years old, and when you jack off gettin off is your only goal so, I would do it just as fast as I can, and my friends that how I became a one minute man!

Weil 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:20

#167 will be the one minute man in bed too. I feel sorry for his future girlfriends. lol ****** premie.

Tag2Ignite 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 0:28

what the ****? how do you get a damn boner at 4 years old?

DameGreyWulf 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 1:02

Even babies can get erections. Ejaculation, though, doesn't happen until puberty, if I remember correctly.

Finnboghi 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 2:04

Actually both girls and boys can ejaculate at any age, there just isn't any sperm in a pre-pubescent boy's semen. I'm curious how you got a son if your wife has such a warped view of sex, to be honest.