Miscellaneous: Procrastination - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 129

You deserved it 16 740

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 398

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 118

By bglenney - 15/08/2013 09:47 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 947

You deserved it 4 191

Earthquake sneezer

By Noname - 27/01/2009 00:02 - Japan

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 787

You deserved it 2 830

Too trusting

By Anonymous - 07/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 194

PTSD

By I have Flashbacks Now - 10/11/2016 21:15 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 415

You deserved it 912

How smelly is your piss?

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 21:00 - Finland

Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 156

Sweet release

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today, I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I'd ever slept at my girlfriend's house, and probably the last as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 396

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 07:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 128

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 148

Next

Top comments

chop_buster 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.

hk_fml 9

Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.

Comments

LeoV_fml 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 1:43

First so i win also ydi for having a rectum

icecreamthoughts 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 1:54

FYL, but that just made my day.

twitterwhore66 4

Thursday 15 October 2009 1:57

well i laughed

woahitsashlynn 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 2:08

Hahahahhaha! Thatbshit hilarious!!

RataBlanca 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 2:40

Jack Black did. Vapoorize.

mrda 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 2:40

This fml is so full of shit.

purplepickle 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 3:07

literally.

nabzilla 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 2:52

wow epic! haha!

madishunwhut7 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 2:53

terrific use of the word "dung" but is a book really that crucial for defecation?

darcloki32 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 2:55

"Nothing in my life has prepared me for this." I died when I read that last line. Awesome.

zen_fml 0

Thursday 15 October 2009 3:14

that is foul.

2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Love Parents Religion Stalker Cheating Health Mental health Exhausted Technology Geek School Education Friends Narcissist Awkward Sports Miscellaneous Annoying Intimacy Sex Embarrassing Coworkers Work Kids Parenting Cute Weird Babysitter Healthy Lifestyle

The Top

Today, I gave birth two weeks early. Everyone is telling me I should be so happy she's healthy, but all I can think is how much I did not want a Taurus baby. I wanted a Gemini baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 425

Today, my girlfriend is at work, leaving me with her needy son again. If I don't play with him, he cries and throws a fit. If I don't clean the house, she will cry and throw a fit when she gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 275

The Top

Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 375

You deserved it 41 274

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me, and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 572

You deserved it 3 567

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 115

You deserved it 4 975

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 605

You deserved it 4 401

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 490

You deserved it 2 104

Today, I told the guy I liked about my feelings, and he says, "Sorry I don’t like you, but can I get your sister's number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 130