Rewarding

By feiedbutter - 07/12/2013 14:55 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy
Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML
I agree, your life sucks 66 125
You deserved it 20 828
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furubafan74 18

Seriously? It takes your wife withholding sex to get you off your butt and helping around the house? Wow.

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glitterkuro 18

Yeah this whole situation makes me uncomfortable. People should not use sex as a bargaining tool. But you should also be doing your fair share of chores. There are definitely problems in your relationship but this is not the answer and never should be. To everybody calling the wife names over this and suggesting she's at fault: I disagree. Yeah, withholding sex is a shitty move, but it doesn't sound like she's very happy in the relationship, and you refusing to do your share of housework? That sucks too. I don't think it's just that she's manipulating you, I think that she honestly can't see you getting back on track with a happy healthy relationship and active sex life until you start giving back to the relationship. You need to communicate with her. Is there a reason why you aren't doing the chores? In my relationship, I struggle doing much housework because of mental health issues, and my partner is very understanding of this (though I'm working on getting back to being able to perform those tasks)! Or are you stressed and busy with other commitments such as work? If there's an honest reason why you aren't doing those chores, talk to her about it. I don't think this is the only issue going on, though. As I said, she doesn't seem happy in the relationship in general. You probably should sit down and have a big long talk about all the problems in your relationship and how it might be best to move forward. And don't stop communicating, either. I was struggling with how to communicate my partner and was given the excellent advice of having a time each week where we check in on the relationship and that everything's okay. It sounds way more formal and silly than it is. We sit down every week to plan our meals for the week and then that's also a space to say "everything okay with you? anything worrying you? any big things we should discuss?" It might not be for you but I thought I'd bring it up as I've found that method very useful.

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wiccaantje 21

This entire comment section is divided in side's, side's that see the situation completely different. There are those that know how trying to get all the chore's done while balancing your job, schoolwork and other responsibilities feels like and a lot of those people still get bitched out for not getting 1 chore done by the appointed time. There are those that work a full-time job while having a wife that stays at home and they are still expected to do chore's when coming home because of feministic values (regardless of her staying at home). There are those that... Those are the people that are on the side of the husband. They think that he does make an effort but that the wife doesn't think it's enough and that she isn't mature enough to talk it over like an adult, that she doesn't care that he doesn't have enough time, that she just doesn't want sex and is making excuses, ... There are those that know how it feels like to do a job, take care of the kids and still do most of the household chores. There are those that don't have a job but have kids and that's the work of 2 full-time job's and they need the help of their husband with the chore's even though he works and they don't. There are those that have a lazy spouse. There are those that... Those are the people that are on the side of the wife. They think that he's lazy, that he's not doing chore's. They think that the wife must be at her wits end and is trying everything she can do make him do chore's. WE DON'T KNOW! We don't know if he's lazy or if she's unreasonable. I'm inclined to think she's unreasonable because I don't concider him being lazy as a reason to turn childish, but that's my opinion. But does it matter who's right? Wasn't this relationship dead the moment she needed to make sex charts? Isn't it just a divorce of tragedy waiting to happen with 2 people that stay unhappy together.

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glitterkuro 18

That's my point. I think both of them must be slightly at fault. But the problem isn't that he isn't doing chores or that she's making a rewards chart. Those are issues, but not the main problem, and OP and his wife need to sort out the main problems in their relationship first. They need to sort out their relationship, or if it's too late to sort it out alone, get to a marriage counsellor.

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psycheiris13 20

This definitely needs a follow up because I don't want to assume anything, but seems like she's realized you won't do anything unless you have sex as a motivation. If not, either way you guys should have a serious discussion about who does what around the house, because typically and unfortunately women are expected to do everything. I hope this is not the case and wish you luck in the future :)

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MixedGurl97 10

Are you lazy or something? My aunt does stuff like that to my uncle because he's lazy..

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skyeyez9 24

Sounds like she did this as a last resort to get you to help out around the house.

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tracyswingkid 8

I completely agree with her. Men live in this fantasy land and think that the little woman is going to: go to work all day, drop off/pick up/take care of YOUR kids, clean house, cook meals, shop, and the nine million other things she has to do because your slack ass won't help; then go straight to bed with your smelly self and please you like a **** star. Grow up. Turn off the TV. Take responsibility. Do more than your share because, trust me, she is doing more than you ever will, and do it all because it is your job as an adult, not because you are expecting a pat on the head or romp in the sack.

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Randomxnp 10

Wow, given that you are an arrogant bigot, I see why the men in your life would not want to help you.

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000lizzy000 13

Sounds like you need to help out more, shes giving you motivation lol

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