Health, Injury, Ironic and Miscellaneous: Sliced and diced

Sliced and diced

By ShowOff - 11/03/2010 08:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 195

You deserved it 53 558

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 489

Stay out of the kitchen

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 00:00

Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 123

By Prae - 01/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 685

You deserved it 2 118

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 986

911 please

By hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 673

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 989

Gammon

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 941

Pointless

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 380

By cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 978

Slicy slicy

By nessacadesa - 24/03/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 989

You deserved it 58 485

itsme88 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 16:13

Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.

Boddmon 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 16:15

You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.

Comments

bordercolliemom 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 16:57

ydi your neurons don't fire

youthink_fml 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:12

Every time I think I've read the about the stupidest thing someone could do.........

evig_fml 16

Thursday 11 March 2010 19:20

lol

FerrariCake 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:19

Next time you should demonstrate by swiping it across your scrotum. At least then the rest of us won't have to deal with you passing along your defective genes.

katmandont 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 21:57

Well, he is now! Perhaps he did demonstrate by using his scrotum

blastvortex 3

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:25

Haha. Wow. You sliced your hand, stuck a knife in your foot, and stuffed your foot in your mouth, all in the same go. That's really something, OP.

corambis 13

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:27

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

ipts 0

Friday 12 March 2010 4:27

ooo, pun!

KurouTenshi 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:34

you're overlooking the obvious plus: now that you have liquid flowing profusely from your hand, you should have enough lube to comfortably **********! you have to find the positive things in life, OP.