Intimacy: Talk to me baby - FML

Talk to me baby

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 504

You deserved it 4 695

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 384

You deserved it 5 246

By May - 04/09/2011 04:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 814

You deserved it 6 263

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507

Man City

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 269

You deserved it 719

Zigazig Ah

By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 377

You deserved it 809

Just… why?

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 659

You deserved it 54 153

Get it on

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 20:28 - United States - Fremont

Spicy

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 586

You deserved it 1 770

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 406

By XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 563

You deserved it 10 954

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 815

You deserved it 6 164

Next

Top comments

namyo 13

Sunday 19 October 2014 15:51

Siri who is a naughty girl? "I am sir"

xnikkilynn 11

Sunday 19 October 2014 15:52

"I can't find that location."

Comments

prettyinpinkxoxo 9

Monday 20 October 2014 16:38

What a Siri-ous situation!

shinikageWolf 15

Monday 20 October 2014 19:43

Did he ask you to talk like that?

kiaora_fml 11

Tuesday 21 October 2014 2:53

Thats what he said....most inventive excuse ever OP!

JodogX13 13

Tuesday 21 October 2014 5:08

At least you don't have to try hard to make him happy

nikmiester 7

Saturday 25 October 2014 11:30

You're obviously doing something wrong

Triston4ever 5

Monday 27 October 2014 15:05

well if he had the door locked I mean...

lolol123_fml 13

Wednesday 29 October 2014 15:57

Nekminet marries the iPhone

Ashtefer 1

Saturday 1 November 2014 16:45

hey better than another girl

BLEED_MY_SOUL_07 9

Friday 14 November 2014 5:45

Dafuq?

ross_tu4b 5

Tuesday 6 January 2015 5:07

what the actual **** did i just read?

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Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Friends Jealousy Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Mental health Therapy Covid

The Top

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 510

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 699

You deserved it 52 078

The Top

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 1 778

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 108

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 359

You deserved it 19 683

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 464

You deserved it 3 456

Today, I was involved in a crash at work. When I was asked if I had been drinking, instead of saying, "I don't drink" my words got screwed up and I said, "I don't think." Everyone is now certain I caused the crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 159

You deserved it 1 193

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 287

You deserved it 3 724