Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Timing is everything - FML

Timing is everything

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:54 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 985

You deserved it 3 403

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Same thing different taste

Not now

By Anonymous - 08/09/2009 04:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 2 623

Useful idiot

By taintedlover - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 559

You deserved it 7 735

By loserman - 29/04/2014 22:40 - United States - Frisco

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she'd been sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 796

You deserved it 3 781

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 231

You deserved it 5 177

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/05/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I was in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 967

You deserved it 2 882

By dollfacee - 09/07/2015 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 655

You deserved it 2 351

By Cinnamon - 18/07/2011 00:04 - Jamaica

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 197

You deserved it 4 377

Crushed

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Saint Ives

Today, I appreciated how much my older sister is engaged and fully appreciative of how wonderful my girlfriend is… until my girlfriend told me that she has a huge crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as, "My other girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 774

You deserved it 4 097

No thanks

By SadIndianLife - 15/11/2015 21:00 - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 476

You deserved it 2 255

Next

Top comments

ByronJess 17

Saturday 28 January 2012 0:46

That makes you wonder exactly why she was still letting you sleep with her...

cjcstuart 7

Saturday 28 January 2012 0:46

Please tell me you pulled out...

Comments

mama2b3 20

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:27

Oh brother! Could she have worse timing?!

IdfkMyUsernamexC 5

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:33

I don't think 10 has good reading skills. Js.

kittenvks 11

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:35

Still a better love story than twilight

CaptainPickles72 18

Saturday 28 January 2012 4:26

Anything is better than necrophilia and **********! The love story I made between my pink Power Ranger and Goku toy as a child was better than Twilight!

Havin 19

Saturday 28 January 2012 4:40

133 LMAOOO!!!!

kristen69 0

Saturday 28 January 2012 6:14

U still do and u know it :p

IdfkMyUsernamexC 5

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:36

She must have expected to still get the sex from her "brother". Yeah seems incest really turns her on. Good for you, bruhh. Or as they say, FYL.

tom_es 3

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:53

As long as you can f**K... Who cares

mintstashinurtea 5

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:54

that's just really freakn gross, your girlfriend has some serious issues

mosquito19 14

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:57

that means no more banging when she meets her real boyfriend.

alexup24 13

Saturday 28 January 2012 2:58

tell her you're using her for sex...

lolyeahthatsme 11

Saturday 28 January 2012 5:35

'cause that's the best idea possible.

Calyx_fml 21

Saturday 28 January 2012 3:00

Had sex, doesnt matter.

Linkerdoodles 15

Saturday 28 January 2012 15:07

Correct me if I'm wrong, FMLers, but isn't it "Doesn't matter, had sex"?

Johnnie_boy18 5

Saturday 28 January 2012 3:03

Talk about a turn off.. Damn dude that blows.. I hope you blew it in her face and dumped the bitch

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The Top

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 330

Today, I found a picture on my phone of me and my best friend that I didn't take. Turns out my dad did, from behind, and it got onto my Google photo backup, which means that he was logged in to my Gmail from his phone when he did it. And my family wonders why I don't trust them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 124

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 037

You deserved it 5 519

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 243

You deserved it 5 561

Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 748

You deserved it 3 805

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 361

You deserved it 31 748

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 4 160

Today, my manager called when I was watching porn. I picked up after pausing the video, but somehow the video kept playing. I'm pretty sure she definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 374