Valentine's slay, The first time we met and Animals: Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on...

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By Doggotmytongue - 12/02/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 378

You deserved it 6 757

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Same thing different taste

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 643

You deserved it 3 370

By bruisedandconfused - 12/02/2019 12:25 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 272

You deserved it 10 797

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 413

You deserved it 12 897

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 033

You deserved it 6 505

By CRWMEN - 22/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 421

You deserved it 3 289

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 873

You deserved it 10 791

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 995

By fucking hate bitches - 24/12/2016 21:27

Today, I realized that the girl I like only replies to my snapchats if I include my dog in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 849

You deserved it 1 710

Jealousy

By Karine - 05/12/2023 00:00 - France - Bordeaux

Today, my dog has a better social life than I do. He has more playdates scheduled than I have actual human plans this month. I'm officially my dog's social secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 224

Good boy

By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 630

You deserved it 2 227

cliffibom 15

Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:57

Seems like she is into *********** so I think you would rather not go along

ollie179 21

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:07

Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess.

Comments

magymofucka 9

Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:55

lol, why tf is this person trying to set up a date for their dog? lmaoo.

ollie179 21

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:07

Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess.

cBlackout 13

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:53

Your stupid is showing, 1.

ElementaryEdGuy 18

Wednesday 13 February 2013 17:22

Gosh, 1. I just cleaned this carpet!

cliffibom 15

Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:57

Seems like she is into *********** so I think you would rather not go along

eksyneet 23

Wednesday 13 February 2013 14:44

***********

sux4u121 10

Wednesday 13 February 2013 20:28

************

Sillydeadperson 17

Wednesday 13 February 2013 21:01

That's actually how it is spelled.

mjspoons 6

Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:59

Don't let your dog go who knows what she might do to him!

pickles1994 18

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:09

Or what she'll let the dog do to her. :o

etchsanity1 11

Wednesday 13 February 2013 14:16

Watch out she's got peanut butter

apollojon 11

Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:59

Now aint that a real bitch ;)

gc327072 30

Thursday 14 February 2013 4:36

....Somebody doin something slick! Downtoooowwnnn...

JR_Goes_Rawr 11

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:00

Did she have a dog as well? If not she takes doggy style a little too serious.

DinosaurTacoTime 18

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:00

How would the dog get to his date without you? Dognapping? Did you teach him to drive??? Or would she pick him up? Because then you'd still be there.

btstig 11

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:02

Ask if she needs a camera man?

Eluveitie 9

Wednesday 13 February 2013 12:55

No?

karlcolt45 19

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:05

I bet they stay avoid the cheap laughs and hit it missionary

Incredidanny 5

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:06

What a "bitch."

apollojon 11

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:20

I seem to recall seeing this comment before. Somewhere....

Incredidanny 5

Wednesday 13 February 2013 17:41

Oh, sorry. I didn't see your comment up there. It was late when I posted.

TheElBurrrito 21

Friday 15 February 2013 12:20

Apollojon, your comment made my night. I'm not really sure why I laughed so hard, but I assure you I laughed a lot harder than I should have.

klovemachine 24

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:13

The dog must have taken OP's swag :-D lol

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Love Kids Babysitter Technology Dating Embarrassing Geek Poopoo peepee Family Annoying Work Proposal Awkward Health Autism Food Jealousy Animals Scary Gross Insomnia Relationship advice Miscellaneous Neighbours Friends Bodyshaming Intimacy Sex Money Parents

The Top

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could've dented the chassis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 612

You deserved it 16 584

Today, after my man told me to get the dishes done and clean up the kitchen, he got mad at me because I didn’t answer my phone when our son needed medicine that was downstairs. I didn’t hear it ring because I was throwing out the trash, cleaning out the fridge, and washing the dishes, like I was told to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 304

The Top

Today, it's been a few months ago since we finally got the divorce we’ve wanted for years. He seems to have forgotten our shared photo library as he just uploaded a bunch of photos of all his disgusting sexual exploits, including the threesome he always wanted. Meanwhile, I can’t get so much as a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 312

Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 826

You deserved it 257

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 800

You deserved it 3 580

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 429

You deserved it 4 794

Today, despite my warnings, my only son married a girl I hate. To protest their marriage, I wore a white dress to the wedding. Her maid of honor "tripped" and spilled red wine all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 2 209

Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 196

Same thing different taste

Differences

Jealousy

Good boy

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