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By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 017

You deserved it 3 597

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 506

You deserved it 5 038

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 730

You deserved it 2 958

Ivy league

By WasteOMoney - 04/07/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to take a video of his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 6 278

Experimental

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 141

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 015

You deserved it 2 684

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 75

By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 211

You deserved it 371

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 287

You deserved it 402

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 957

You deserved it 3 649

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 338

You deserved it 67 830

WCARlover 34

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

I get calls from assholes all the time, though...(I work in retail)

Nyx_fml 23

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

Hey, he was just trying to make contact with Uranus. Or Hisanus, rather.

Comments

Schizomaniac 24

Monday 9 September 2013 3:07

Well that person took butt-dialing to a hole new level. Edit: **** the guy above me and **** my apparent lack of originality.

thatdangmexican 18

Monday 9 September 2013 3:10

Sorry, dude! :/

Kallian_fml 21

Monday 9 September 2013 4:48

Dang Mexicans...

YOLO_SWAG_2013 3

Monday 9 September 2013 5:25

Whole*

Not_Impressed13 9

Monday 9 September 2013 5:58

#100 - The fact that the pun went right over your head does not surprise me. "YOLO" and "SWAG"? Both in one username??

ZombieInConverse 13

Monday 9 September 2013 3:07

2 questions; how and why?

truesarrif 33

Monday 9 September 2013 3:09

two questions and one answer.. sexually depraved individual.

NotoriousLES 14

Monday 9 September 2013 5:54

The other possibility, he came in from jail. The ass is the preferred hiding spot for all things contraband, and cell phones are definitely valuable contraband. So, he's either a perv or a convict, or both.

Inediblepeaches 15

Monday 9 September 2013 7:35

They'd show up in an X-Ray though...

Jivesliven 24

Monday 9 September 2013 13:38

His girlfriend found out he's been seeing another woman and shoved it up his ass.

NotoriousLES 14

Monday 9 September 2013 16:07

They get around x-ray sometimes. Someone throws an item at the fence line, or a worker brings it in. The inmates retrieve it and then hide it.

Enslaved 36

Monday 9 September 2013 3:07

"Can you hear me now?"

hopsinlove17 26

Monday 9 September 2013 16:56

..."Good(;"

WCARlover 34

Monday 9 September 2013 3:07

I'm guessing it happens when a phone is shoved up someone's ass, just saying

gary8082 14

Monday 9 September 2013 3:07

He was just talking out of his ass.

jw90 18

Monday 9 September 2013 3:07

Kids and their bright ideas.

allie2590 31

Monday 9 September 2013 6:38

Hey, it could've been a 50 year old man who "fell" on it.

olpally 32

Monday 9 September 2013 3:08

His way of trying to hide his drug dealers phone numbers? That or he was in a drunken state of mind and his friends dared him to shove it in there. Haha. Have fun op.