Miscellaneous: Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing...

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 271

You deserved it 4 743

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 2 140

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 3 786

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 376

You deserved it 13 547

Always wear camo gear

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 316

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 841

By authorsubmit - 04/05/2012 12:49 - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 864

You deserved it 47 662

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 5 105

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 5 119

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 130

deviable 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:21

Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.

minder97 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:22

hopefully some of your shit got on the guy

Comments

cbdee 8

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:55

Shit'tin went out for the team :P

yaitsabovavrage 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:03

Shoulda wore a butt cup..

fallingstarsxox 8

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:05

I feel for u everyone thinks I farted in English class n keeps annoying me gosh..... Ur not alone dear friend v.v

hannahcorrine 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:08

Sounds like a shitty situation bro.

Ceecee9c 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:16

well that's crappy

jjdominguez 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:17

Aww well it's nt ur fault

Dodie__fml 2

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:19

This happened to me six days a week and I don't shit myself. Ps, your linemen are ******* if you're talking about varsity football.

teal28 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:22

talk about a shitty situation.

kindgremlin 5

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:27

One of the funniest fml's I've ever read, top 3 for sure.

choshaki 8

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:28

Haha they will forget about it soon......

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 39 590

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 182

The Top

Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 405

You deserved it 6 092

Today, my ex-husband’s new girlfriend stopped by the pharmacy I work at, checked out at my lane, and had me ring up her condoms. She kept bragging about how she’s gonna have “nasty freaky sex” with my ex all night long while I work at a “miserable pharmacy.” I burst into tears while she laughed and waltzed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 159

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 142

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 807

You deserved it 59 423

Today, a stray cat climbed up into my car's engine for shelter at some point last night. Guess how I found out this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 98

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 212

You deserved it 2 322

Same thing different taste

Always wear camo gear

Baywatch

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