Miscellaneous: Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing... - FML

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 271

You deserved it 4 743

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 2 140

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 3 786

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 376

You deserved it 13 547

Always wear camo gear

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 316

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 841

By authorsubmit - 04/05/2012 12:49 - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 864

You deserved it 47 662

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 5 105

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 5 119

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 130

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Top comments

deviable 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:21

Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.

minder97 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:22

hopefully some of your shit got on the guy

Comments

eradonnes 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:14

thats why football is gay -_-

itschrisssybro 8

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:21

Houston, you have a problem.

kodax 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:23

Haha I'm a free roaming linebacker and I weigh 230, be greatful he wasn't bigger, one of our 289lbs. Lineman landed on my chest last year and cracked my rib

StormGirl142 24

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:37

I totally thought this said Mudblood at first. But anyhow, **** your life, man. That's embarrassing as hell.

ninababe6 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:43

Sounds life a bad. Sorry dude.

ninababe6 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:45

Sounds like a bad day. Sorry dude.

dillonManning 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:49

Happened to me once except I only farted and it wasent a lineman it was a linebacker And I was getting tackeled.

divadro102 16

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:51

Doctors recommend you get a colon cleanse at least once in your life. Good job

blargheria 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:53

Wouldn't have happened if you didn't get hit by a fellow lineman.

Tyger44 1

Sunday 2 October 2011 8:03

PASS IT TO MUDDBUTT

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The Top

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Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

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Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML

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Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

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