Miscellaneous: Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing...

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 271

You deserved it 4 743

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 2 140

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 3 786

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 376

You deserved it 13 547

Always wear camo gear

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 316

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 841

By authorsubmit - 04/05/2012 12:49 - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 864

You deserved it 47 662

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 5 105

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 5 119

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 130

deviable 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:21

Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.

minder97 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:22

hopefully some of your shit got on the guy

Comments

belkinbra 12

Sunday 2 October 2011 3:21

You sound like a little wimp. Start drinking protein drinks and lifting weights. Same goes to your 'lineman' that weighs 200 lbs. But then again the quarterback should NEVER be hit in practice.

jsalud 4

Sunday 2 October 2011 3:27

Small lineman haha your lucky.

Omfgitsmia 15

Sunday 2 October 2011 3:37

LMFAO!!!

grattow96 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 3:40

You should have gone before practice and that guy should starve hi Self to lose weight

ikickgingers 15

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:28

89 - huh?

Enslaved 36

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:08

89, why would a lineman want to lose weight? Their weight is their biggest strength..... If that's what you're trying to saying. I'm guessing here.(:

CyonideCyns 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 22:33

I believe this was meant to say *himself* Not hi self

CyonideCyns 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 22:37

And I agree, why would a lineman want to LOSE weight? 89 must not know much about American football.

hazardoussmiles9 22

Sunday 2 October 2011 3:45

For a second there I thought it said 'Mudblood'.

trentbuchanan 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 3:54

200 hundred pounds??? That's an average size running back where I'm from.

hewdud 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:03

200 pounds isn't rly that big of a guy...

Joshoa123 16

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:04

What a shitty situation.

Enslaved 36

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:34

Ahhh.... Normally your comments are funny. Win some, lose some.

Joshoa123 16

Sunday 2 October 2011 9:24

I think I'm out of it, its been days since i thought of something witty. My life is now meaningless.

kathuzada 6

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:11

That isn't that heavy

ohmandapants 16

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:06

Really? 200 pounds running at you full speed isn't that heavy? And yes, the speed makes a difference.

kathuzada 6

Sunday 2 October 2011 17:59

Yes, I know I have had heavier weight fall on me when I was in middle school. No poop was involved.

ohmandapants 16

Sunday 2 October 2011 20:24

Well maybe OP really had to shit

SexySheWolf 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:21

that would be embarassing

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Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

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You deserved it 132

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

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You deserved it 78

The Top

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 331

You deserved it 8 636

Today, my son asked me, "If it’s so easy to tear meats like raw chicken breast and beef steak apart with your hands, doesn’t that mean it’s just as easy to tear human flesh apart, even if they’re still alive?" This right here is why I send him to therapy twice a week, but it’s not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 150

Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 6 733

Today, I was on the subway. I have fairly serious OCD, so I avoided holding the poles or handles. All the seats were taken, so I leaned against a wall. At the next stop, an obese, sweaty man got on and grabbed the two poles around me, effectively hugging me. My shirt was wet when he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 524

You deserved it 6 008

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

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You deserved it 4 228

Today, I failed my nursing clinical for, "being too nice". FML

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You deserved it 428

Same thing different taste

Always wear camo gear

Baywatch

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