Miscellaneous: Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold....

By fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 976

You deserved it 79 370

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By blarghhhh - 28/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 063

You deserved it 1 383

Sick day

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - 27/06/2015 05:48 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 498

You deserved it 1 971

Seize the day

By Nick - 06/08/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 200

You deserved it 3 589

Big Baby

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 00:30

Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 143

You deserved it 2 827

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 392

You deserved it 8 231

I suck

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 12:00

Today, I sucked so bad that I faked an injury during a football game to get out of playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 635

By Anonymous - 19/11/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 163

You deserved it 6 463

By KrazyKill - 09/03/2012 19:04 - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 992

You deserved it 75 043

By n - 04/04/2015 18:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 134

You deserved it 3 504

Welshite 39

Saturday 15 December 2012 2:33

You deserve it just for saying "my sucker of a wife."

feldco1 17

Saturday 15 December 2012 2:34

Serves you right; you sound like a dick.

Comments

Acik91 26

Saturday 15 December 2012 8:24

Wow. What a sucker of a husband you are.

sisco2901 20

Saturday 15 December 2012 8:36

Maybe your wife's not such a sucker after all... ;)

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Saturday 15 December 2012 8:48

Looks like OP earned the award of the redneck of the year.

lilldude777 1

Saturday 15 December 2012 8:55

you're a total douche and shouldn't even have a wife if you're gonna treat her like shit and lie to her because you're a ******* pussy "she finally hopped off your balls" how bout you grow a pair first then you can talk like you have some

Topaztexangal 7

Saturday 15 December 2012 9:11

Karma lol

TacoBelle 8

Saturday 15 December 2012 9:25

Your "sucker of a wife" appears to be smarter then you. She took your fake cold and seems to have traded it in on a real one, while avoiding going out into the cold and rain herself. You should treat her with more respect before she hops on your balls for real.