Miscellaneous: Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold....

By fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 976

You deserved it 79 370

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By blarghhhh - 28/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 063

You deserved it 1 383

Sick day

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - 27/06/2015 05:48 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 498

You deserved it 1 971

Seize the day

By Nick - 06/08/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 200

You deserved it 3 589

Big Baby

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 00:30

Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 143

You deserved it 2 827

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 392

You deserved it 8 231

I suck

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 12:00

Today, I sucked so bad that I faked an injury during a football game to get out of playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 635

By Anonymous - 19/11/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 163

You deserved it 6 463

By KrazyKill - 09/03/2012 19:04 - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 992

You deserved it 75 043

By n - 04/04/2015 18:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 134

You deserved it 3 504

Welshite 39

Saturday 15 December 2012 2:33

You deserve it just for saying "my sucker of a wife."

feldco1 17

Saturday 15 December 2012 2:34

Serves you right; you sound like a dick.

Comments

salesman01 0

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:05

Not a worthy FML try again modafocka

baileymarie102 6

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:05

Wow, you sound like a complete douchebag. I feel like your wife probably deserves better than you.

merrielp 13

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:07

not only that but i walk outside in freezing weather...STILL HEALTHY DICK HEAD

UsagiArwen 23

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:12

Ah, we have "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". Eventually she'll catch on and will hopefully never believe a word you say after that. Face it, our lies catch up with us, and then what? You think she was "on your balls" now? Imagine what she'll be like when she knows you're a liar. Then there's the thing everyone else has been saying, that you have absolutely no respect for her and are clearly not man enough to be with her. You don't deserve someone who would do the chores for you since you're claiming to feel ill. I've felt ill before and still had to do chores, so if you were my husband, you'd still be doing the dishes, fake cold, real cold, or no cold. Be grateful you have a wife who cares enough about you that she would do chores should you *actually* be ill. So stop calling her names behind her back, start respecting her, and get off your ass to effing HELP her. Chores are not going to kill you. If you truly want this relationship to work, own up to your responsibilities and actually be her husband, and not just some dick who lounges about, making her beg and nag to get you to help her out.

asktherunes 4

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:15

Grow up ********

brandi_callie 5

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:20

Karma.

iwadasn 32

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:24

The worst part about this for me is that he seems to believe we should feel sorry for him and be on his side. OP, do you really not realize how immature and disrespectful your behavior is? This is something a little kid would do to try to get out of cleaning his room. Grow up and be a proper husband to your wife.