Animals: Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still...

By sting - 06/12/2014 01:32 - United States - Valencia

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 658

You deserved it 16 479

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Username - 03/10/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 510

You deserved it 3 368

Pincushion

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 23:00

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 2 049

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 7 120

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 340

You deserved it 539

Winds of change

By sting - 03/06/2017 04:00

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 072

You deserved it 736

Slasher

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 916

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 8 375

By Anonymous - 29/05/2018 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 552

You deserved it 1 002

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 1 321

colton_colton 49

Saturday 6 December 2014 16:04

You will once you sit down

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Saturday 6 December 2014 16:06

I wouldn't be able to sleep... I hope you can find them. Look in quiet dark places and don't stick your hands anywhere you can't see!

Comments

Jae_Hellyun 17

Saturday 6 December 2014 17:32

Time to burn the house down op!!

keeks46 12

Saturday 6 December 2014 17:51

Why do you have pet scorpions?

slyde32 12

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:11

because he likes scorpions, I guess. I want pet snakes because I love snakes

charcharthunder 18

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:10

as long as they're not poisnes, who cares.

TheLastCenturion 19

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:27

But scorpions aren't poisionous. They're venomous.

TheLastCenturion 19

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:31

Argh. *poisonous

mattmsk005 8

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:23

Check under the stove

wvcheesehead 13

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:24

Have your brothers Larry and Curly help you look for them. Why would someone keep a poisonous pet?

TheLastCenturion 19

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:29

Why not? People keep snakes and spiders as pets...also, scorpions aren't poisonous.

irishmaiden78 23

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:57

Two words: Black. Light.

batman105 8

Saturday 6 December 2014 18:58

use a blacklight they glow

WarriorOmen 25

Saturday 6 December 2014 19:16

Don't worry, they will find you when you are sleeping.

LunarServant 10

Saturday 6 December 2014 19:25

Sleep with one eye open tonight pal

atvvstree 2

Saturday 6 December 2014 19:25

And this is why you don't have pet scorpions

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The Top

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 230

You deserved it 5 156

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

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The Top

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 104

You deserved it 7 170

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 5 711

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 616

You deserved it 14 091

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 673

You deserved it 4 521

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 193

Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 553

Same thing different taste

Creepy

Pincushion

Psssssych!

Winds of change

Slasher

I'm outta here

Spider-man

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