Animals: Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still... - FML

By sting - 06/12/2014 01:32 - United States - Valencia

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 658

You deserved it 16 479

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Username - 03/10/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 510

You deserved it 3 368

Pincushion

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 23:00

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 2 049

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 7 120

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 340

You deserved it 539

Winds of change

By sting - 03/06/2017 04:00

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 072

You deserved it 736

Slasher

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 916

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 8 375

By Anonymous - 29/05/2018 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 552

You deserved it 1 002

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 1 321

Next

Top comments

colton_colton 49

Saturday 6 December 2014 16:04

You will once you sit down

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Saturday 6 December 2014 16:06

I wouldn't be able to sleep... I hope you can find them. Look in quiet dark places and don't stick your hands anywhere you can't see!

Comments

imani132 6

Saturday 6 December 2014 23:44

Time to burn your house down....

WarriorOmen 25

Sunday 7 December 2014 3:23

Because it was probably an accident...?

MetalSonicCD 13

Sunday 7 December 2014 3:30

It's their house now.

ThePols 11

Sunday 7 December 2014 4:16

Always check your shoes and socks. Seriously. And if you're from a small town, call your local hospital and make sure they have access to anti venom.

ShieldGirl23 4

Sunday 7 December 2014 4:36

I'd call an exterminator and move

nathanislegit 13

Sunday 7 December 2014 4:38

I saw this in the moderations, but he said "he fell down the stairs"

Mysterious_one 26

Sunday 7 December 2014 4:44

great choice in pets..

DylanHasClass 17

Sunday 7 December 2014 5:20

Bugs shouldnt be pets

asherm 15

Sunday 7 December 2014 5:47

I'd burn my house down

kenzie_gauche 12

Sunday 7 December 2014 6:21

ARE U FREAKIN SERIOUS WHO IN THIER SANE MIND WOULD HAVE PET SCORPIONS I hope u find it BUT SEREOUSLY

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Monday 8 December 2014 14:53

This might be a stretch, but I think someone who likes scorpions might have them as pets. I have had and will be getting more pet rats, and it bothers me to no end when people act like they're the most disgusting creatures.

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The Top

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 9 654

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

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The Top

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 3 438

Today, I told my husband that I missed how exciting it was when we were dating, so he pretended to sneak into my room through the window, we had sex, then fell asleep. All very exciting. Then the bastard actually snuck out while I was still asleep, and didn’t call me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 566

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

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Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 229

You deserved it 5 520

Today, I realised that if I died, no one would care. I know this because when I called my partner distressed last night, he told me he needed to sleep and hung up in less than 45 seconds, and a friend told me to call lifeline. I haven’t heard from either of them since. FML

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Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

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