Love: Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the... - FML

By fiftyno - 01/10/2012 15:02 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 853

You deserved it 4 122

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By boblaj - 22/05/2012 16:11 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 871

You deserved it 4 031

By Divorce? - 29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 024

You deserved it 603

By GroosedOut - 20/08/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 606

You deserved it 5 406

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:06 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 434

You deserved it 4 426

By I_dislike_Twilight - 08/09/2011 12:52 - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 398

You deserved it 4 707

You what now?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 172

You deserved it 3 289

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 17:26 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 333

You deserved it 5 168

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 3 345

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 513

You deserved it 4 197

By davincourt - 29/04/2012 18:31 - United States - Apollo Beach

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 282

You deserved it 3 004

Next

Top comments

RealTalk0 7

Monday 1 October 2012 18:55

She's doing it for you, buddy. I'd be flattered.

Volcan_fml 22

Monday 1 October 2012 18:54

So your wife thinks she's Kristen Stewart now?

Comments

maemismile 22

Monday 1 October 2012 21:35

Well, that escalated quickly.

TheOnlyX 11

Monday 1 October 2012 21:46

That would be a great time to face palm and just walk away.

FMLTuna 6

Monday 1 October 2012 21:53

Fml is more about making other commenters happy than just posting what you want. It's actually really annoying.

dixiefoxx 22

Monday 1 October 2012 22:00

I've never even read Fifty Shades of Grey

porkpiehat 8

Monday 1 October 2012 22:11

Good luck humping your fist when she starts ignoring you...

holyshitbatman 20

Monday 1 October 2012 22:13

some women go overboard...others, however, like myself, read it purely for entertainment.

Moonshadows 1

Monday 1 October 2012 22:31

I'm sorry you're wife has been suckered into thinking 50 Shades of Grey is real literature.

rocketiquette 20

Monday 1 October 2012 22:34

Fifty shades of cray...

doodlecloud 26

Monday 1 October 2012 22:37

I was biting my lip way before that crap. I have never felt the need to practice though...if you're having enough fun, it should just come naturally you know? : /

elmck20 4

Monday 1 October 2012 22:38

I honestly don't see why this is a big deal...?

2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

Keywords

TV shows Miscellaneous Awkward Coworkers Work Politics Embarrassing Ironic Relatable Transportation Social Media Instagram Shopping Parenting Am I overreacting? Jealousy Love AITA Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Cars Porn Technology Sports Health Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 45 199

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 330

The Top

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 769

You deserved it 1 646

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 187

Today, I was accidentally rude to a customer and she told me to kill myself. My boss came over, told me that she agreed wholeheartedly with the customer, and then said, "I have no idea where you got this delusion that anyone would be sad if you died." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 116

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 192

You deserved it 4 177

Today, I was in a band with some friends and we got our first gig at a local festival, but I'd already agreed to work serving drinks at the festival. My bandmates got really annoyed and kicked me out of the band. They then went ahead and performed the song that I WROTE, without me, at the festival where I was working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 886

Today, and ever since I've known her, my girlfriend easily falls asleep if she lies down. We decided to try bondage on our bed, but once laying down she fell asleep. I was the one tied up to the bed frame. When she woke up, I thought it would be funny to say I could stay two more hours like that. She took it seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 546