Miscellaneous: Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke...

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By AgentOrion - 29/08/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 274

You deserved it 5 925

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Same thing different taste

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 052

You deserved it 3 383

By rebeccacaissie - 21/11/2010 18:16 - United States

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 651

You deserved it 8 921

By anonymous - 27/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 582

You deserved it 3 116

By Grubendol - 15/12/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 630

You deserved it 6 019

Panic!

By sweetdreams - 18/09/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 788

You deserved it 1 412

By Grand Slam - 10/09/2013 18:44 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 762

You deserved it 6 749

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 409

You deserved it 5 963

By lily389 - 21/03/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 313

You deserved it 4 084

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 825

You deserved it 7 812

By wtf - 03/05/2014 16:50 - Germany - Ramstein

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 067

You deserved it 5 306

Awesomeaxel 24

Friday 29 August 2014 15:37

just apologize and explain the dream. i mean she will probably still be irritated but at least she knows you didnt do it for fun.

Queen_bee1234 21

Friday 29 August 2014 15:38

kinky.

Comments

jagonaut6 7

Friday 29 August 2014 23:30

bullshit!

soccer8goalie 16

Friday 29 August 2014 23:38

But did you win?

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 29 August 2014 23:52

breakup in 3...2...1...

twofade 12

Saturday 30 August 2014 2:54

I'm surprised no one made a crocodile Hunter reference

_heavenlysasa 16

Saturday 30 August 2014 5:59

Yeah I would be scared to sleep in the bed with you if I was your girlfriend

cece23_fml 10

Thursday 4 September 2014 9:33

I would be scared to sleep in bed with you if I WASNT your girlfriend. Wait a minute...

ar2ag3on 4

Saturday 30 August 2014 16:56

damn

trendkilla254 4

Sunday 31 August 2014 20:42

Blame it on night terrors.

keeks46 12

Monday 1 September 2014 11:15

That's some badass stuff

otumboo 10

Tuesday 2 September 2014 8:07

oh my god! that is so ****** scary

cece23_fml 10

Thursday 4 September 2014 9:31

Shouldnt it be FHL?

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Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 743

You deserved it 15 171

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 487

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Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 2 939

Today, I noticed my new boyfriend barely touches me casually, unless I initiate, and even then he’ll pull away fairly quickly. Apparently his dad told him about "fake rape accusations", even from women you’re dating, so he’s scared to touch me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 164

Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 1 238

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 175

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 385

You deserved it 15 729

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 552

You deserved it 431

Same thing different taste

Panic!

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