Intimacy: Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely... - FML

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 9 713

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Same thing different taste

Poor perfomance

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 633

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Spicy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 9 239

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 12 201

Double standard

By NoSexForMe - 13/07/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 815

You deserved it 8 659

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 305

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 651

You deserved it 29 365

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 340

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 792

You deserved it 6 662

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

Next

Top comments

DontClickOnMe 28

Monday 27 October 2014 0:34

He could've been nicer about it, but if it really bothers you, ask him how he likes it and to give you some tips. He should be helpful, not hurtful.

Hiktmae 20

Monday 27 October 2014 0:49

If it's her first time it's not really her fault... He needs to be nicer and patient and kindly let her know how to improve, it is very nerve-wracking for a girl to perform for the first time.

Comments

jhellie23 13

Monday 27 October 2014 18:40

disgusting

limabeans101029 20

Monday 27 October 2014 22:05

The ******* or what he said?

chronosphere 18

Monday 27 October 2014 19:46

men are honest about 2 things only: sex and BJ's....

ElectroThunder28 16

Monday 27 October 2014 19:57

He could have been nicer, but the first time is never amazing, so don't worry

xbaconator9000x 16

Monday 27 October 2014 20:20

Practice makes perfect!

gabagabaheyu 10

Monday 27 October 2014 20:35

practice makes perfect

epilepticloh 20

Tuesday 28 October 2014 4:36

At least he didn't say "well this sucks" or "well this blows"

FML_JOE 6

Tuesday 28 October 2014 10:25

Next time make he kisses you ect say the exact same thing

FateIsBlissful 4

Tuesday 28 October 2014 11:04

That was a sucky thing to do.

Stuffaluffagus 25

Tuesday 28 October 2014 16:56

Maybe if you hadn't waited so long to try you wouldn't suck so bad

Kyp_kingofhearts 12

Tuesday 28 October 2014 21:38

As a guy, I've learned to never complain because some girls don't do this often.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my Thanksgiving sucks, pretty much bummed because someone dognapped my Shiba Inu as I went inside a store. I'm trying not to stress, even though all I can think of is, "Is he OK? Has he eaten?" Fuck, I miss my darn dog. The audacity of this person. Literally disheartening. Hopefully he returns to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 126

Today, I invited my mom over for lunch so we could discuss how she broke my trust while she last babysat for me, and that as a result she won’t be babysitting for a little while. She then yelled at me and told me I was being disrespectful and dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 999

You deserved it 3 562

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher. Apparently, while doing a test, he responded to the question, "Predict how the government will change in the next ten years" with, "I’m not psychic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 163

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 140

You deserved it 7 807

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 347

You deserved it 28 989

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 807

You deserved it 4 575

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 883

You deserved it 8 413