Health: Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog...

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 3 254

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Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 263

You deserved it 17 914

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 950

You deserved it 1 096

By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 707

You deserved it 3 825

Jogging is bad for you

By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 924

You deserved it 6 760

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 2 111

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 213

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 13 252

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 443

You deserved it 9 332

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 937

You deserved it 498

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

you're in an abusive relationship lady.

Comments

ILEUX 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:07

first! and yea fyl

OverweightNinja 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

life goal reached?

lovebug254 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:08

sound fun haha

quaddrummer93 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:12

puts a whole new meaning to "needle dick"

Garytt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:08

ydi

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

You don't have to resist...

skull4k9 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

sucks

backdownbreh 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

ydi for not accepting his compliment for your attractiveness

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

hahahaha

Zesty697 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:27

omg @9 that was classic pure humor

charlesnk7 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:53

gd 1

Garytt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:11

you too :)

jewban 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:15

sue the dog

gunmania0 12

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

just wait till he's finished... you wouldn't want to give him blue balls.

icantellu 7

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:10

haha ur awesome

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Awkward Wanker Lonely Halloween Jealousy Love Party Fight Family Argument Animals Cats Parents Health Embarrassing Sports Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings TikTok YouTube Pranks Dogs Cute Work AITA

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Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

Jogging is bad for you

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Beast Mode

Showtime

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