Health: Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog...

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 244

You deserved it 3 255

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 263

You deserved it 17 914

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 950

You deserved it 1 096

By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 708

You deserved it 3 825

Jogging is bad for you

By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 924

You deserved it 6 760

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 2 111

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 214

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 13 252

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 443

You deserved it 9 333

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 938

You deserved it 498

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

you're in an abusive relationship lady.

Comments

ILEUX 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:07

first! and yea fyl

OverweightNinja 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

life goal reached?

lovebug254 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:08

sound fun haha

quaddrummer93 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:12

puts a whole new meaning to "needle dick"

Garytt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:08

ydi

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

You don't have to resist...

skull4k9 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

sucks

backdownbreh 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

ydi for not accepting his compliment for your attractiveness

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

hahahaha

Zesty697 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:27

omg @9 that was classic pure humor

charlesnk7 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:53

gd 1

Garytt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:11

you too :)

jewban 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:15

sue the dog

gunmania0 12

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

just wait till he's finished... you wouldn't want to give him blue balls.

icantellu 7

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:10

haha ur awesome

Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 799

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 847

The Top

Today, I was reading a book, and my severe OCD makes it impossible for me to look up from reading if I haven't finished the page. This includes times like when my mother is frantically calling for help after falling off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 1 031

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 489

You deserved it 242

Today, as I was building furniture at work, I managed to get my fingernails ripped off and the tips mauled while cutting the wood for a nightstand. As my I was getting bandaged, one of my bosses looked at me and simply asked, "Why'd you stop working?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 094

You deserved it 822

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 287

You deserved it 3 891

Today, I asked my mother to take a picture of me with my phone. She managed to drop the phone thrice within 5 minutes. Now the phone is busted and she refuses to pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 304

You deserved it 708

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 10 200

Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

Jogging is bad for you

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Beast Mode

Showtime

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