Health: Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog...

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 3 256

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Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 269

You deserved it 17 919

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 955

You deserved it 1 099

By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 711

You deserved it 3 828

Jogging is bad for you

By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 935

You deserved it 6 763

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 2 124

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 219

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 13 259

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 448

You deserved it 9 336

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 943

You deserved it 501

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

you're in an abusive relationship lady.

Comments

Mervin22 6

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

a little kinky but if that is what you're into, I don't judge.

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

you're in an abusive relationship lady.

jokesta187 11

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

well seeing that it is a bulldog.. I would just let it have it's way until it tires out then kick his/hers ass out side

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:26

it's not rape if you enjoy it

ImaginaryFoe 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:41

How did you imagine it would work out? Did you think he would accept "No means no" and walk off?

stronghand0331 17

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:59

They usually listen to that, yes.

Captain_Crankypa 2

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:04

YDI for not listening to Bob Barker if it's your dog! If it's not- think of the pimpmobile you could get with the settlement money.

thelastavailable 13

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:20

This is FML not FMDog.

Gr1mr3ap3r 4

Thursday 23 December 2010 2:58

lol

iSitt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:32

op is not a pack leader

FAILml 7

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:32

^^win, btw man, luv ur comments keep em comin ;)

ulicksam 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:39

Either let him finish or don't start the foreplay. YDI. And why is this under "health" instead of "intimacy"?

Mewzakuro240 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 14:15

Because OP got stitches.

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Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 minutes. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 303

You deserved it 47 149

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 278

The Top

Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 2 222

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 470

You deserved it 6 173

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 579

You deserved it 4 321

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 282

Today, I found out on Facebook that my supposed best friend bought a concert ticket to a show. The concert ticket cost the exact same amount as the plane ticket she told me she couldn't afford to come see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 873

You deserved it 6 456

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 757

You deserved it 3 135

Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

Jogging is bad for you

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Beast Mode

Showtime

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