Health: Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 3 254

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Same thing different taste

Bad boy!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 261

You deserved it 17 913

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 949

You deserved it 1 094

By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 706

You deserved it 3 825

Jogging is bad for you

By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 923

You deserved it 6 760

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 2 109

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 210

You deserved it 436

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 13 251

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 442

You deserved it 9 332

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 937

You deserved it 489

Next

Top comments

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

you're in an abusive relationship lady.

Comments

Tyrone78G 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:47

it's not rape, it's surprise secks! :)

underpaid011 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:52

but bulldogs need to get off too. have you no compassion?

Steffers183 7

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:53

I have a bull dog. I smacked him upside the head and say no in a deep voice. He didn't do it again. You must've did it wrong. Try not to put yourself in it's mouth next time ^^

paras0mnia 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 14:51

Aww, poor wittle doggy... didn't even get to bust a nut, oh and it's a shame whatever happened to you :P

quaddrummer93 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:00

it's not rape if you yell surprise

polopony 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:06

Just fake an ****** next time

thelastavailable 13

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:12

Lool, what does a dog ****** sound like?

omghellokitty90 0

Thursday 23 December 2010 9:46

probably something like, "Raaaaaaahhhoooouuuwaaa" or is that human?...o_0

quaddrummer93 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:17

Moderated? Really? Mine was just as bad as some others that are there

OochenSnoochen 15

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:37

I loled at facedesk.

norvak1 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:43

next time keep the peanut butter out of ur snatch, bitch fyl

norvak1 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:45

next time keep the peanut butter out of ur snatch bitch, poor dog was hungry, peta should kill u

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Keywords

Work Accident Embarrassing Health Relatable LGBTQIA+ Annoying Love AITA Inappropriate Relationship advice My ex Animals Cats Cute Transportation Awkward Cars Friends Dogs Money Scams Kids Miscellaneous Drugs Family Public freakouts Sex Intimacy Cheating

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