Intimacy: Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend....

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 394

You deserved it 4 165

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 442

You deserved it 10 471

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 853

You deserved it 4 625

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 356

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 134

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 07:00 - Estonia

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 482

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 501

You deserved it 2 628

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 233

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 232

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 948

You deserved it 630

Murn 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

That cat is a hero.

frenchmanfresh_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:15

Genius cat !

Comments

picturescrazy 24

Sunday 9 January 2011 18:38

If your wife was cheating on you, why should you have to pay for the dude's medical bills?? And try to find a way around having to put your awesome cat down ):

fraqtl 1

Sunday 9 January 2011 18:42

you totally need to throw your cat a massive human funeral with the money you were going to spend on her for the next couple years. eulogies about loyal friends, the works.

fraqtl 1

Sunday 9 January 2011 18:46

oh, and then have a guy in a cat costume serve her the divorce papers

Proud_vegetarian 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:01

stash the

ScrabbleBabe2010 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:09

Ok so Today your cat mauled a guy because he probably thought he was hurting your wife

AstroChameleon 3

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:25

NO! Kill that sleazy ************ of a "friend", not the cat! What a bunch of shit! I hope he dies in a fire and you and your cat get to watch.

sallen0046 4

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:26

Uh, no. You don't need to do either of those things. What you need to do is get a good lawyer.

jadiyy 3

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:33

Wtf! The cat's a hero. Don't kill it! You don't have to pay for his medical bill either. Does he really have that good of an argument? It only happened cuz your wife was cheating on you. He's not your friend.

LOLSWAT 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:37

hide the cat in a hotel for pets, pay cash. tell ppl it ran off. its still loyal to you. divorse that bitch and take everything she has. move far and have a friend pick ur cat and bring it to you.

nachukas 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 19:41

you have to put your cat to sleep for that ******? if i were you i'd probably beat the **** out of both my spouse and the one they've been cheating with... **** humans.