Intimacy: Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend....

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 394

You deserved it 4 165

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 442

You deserved it 10 471

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 853

You deserved it 4 625

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 356

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 134

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 07:00 - Estonia

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 482

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 501

You deserved it 2 628

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 233

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 232

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 948

You deserved it 630

Murn 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

That cat is a hero.

frenchmanfresh_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:15

Genius cat !

Comments

kaileigh10 2

Sunday 9 January 2011 22:59

YDI for not getting your cat declawed!

love_me_electric 20

Sunday 9 January 2011 23:25

So you think the OP deserves it because he didn't cut off the tips of his cat's toes? You're disgusting.

Sammara 0

Monday 10 January 2011 6:37

Getting cats declawed can lead to even bigger problems, especially if the cat is older when you declaw. I'm talking major personality changes, and usually not for the better. Not all cats, but enough for it to not be worth it. Many shelters won't even let you adopt if you plan to declaw.

Nnmmbb9 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 23:10

I dont have to kill the cat. We are still argueing how much I have to pay

zeta_pangolin 1

Sunday 9 January 2011 23:10

the cat probably wanted to dance the masochism tango

trivlove 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 23:21

omfg, dude, u should leave w/ the cat & make her get stuck w/ the bill. p.s. that guy totally deserves to get his balls cut lmfao

musicman2059 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 23:48

If I ever get married, I want your cat.

varkey 7

Monday 10 January 2011 0:48

wtf? you have to kill your cat? that's so stupid... fight it or hide the cat (discreetly give it to someone you trust completely like a relative)...

dayday14_fml 4

Monday 10 January 2011 1:35

EPIC.

whiteboy84 0

Monday 10 January 2011 1:41

keep the cat man : (

DelphiCat 17

Monday 10 January 2011 1:41

i severely doubt anyone would make you put the cat down, the only reason dogs get put down for biteing is that a dog is actually capable of killing a person... a common domestic cat cant, in any way.... dumbass

NiceGuy1988 0

Monday 10 January 2011 1:47

If she cheated she has to pay for the court cost. Don't put down the hero, give it to a friend for awhile and say it ran away. People who are saying put down the wife are stupid. Yes it hurts that she cheated on you but jumping to murder is crazy. It's rediculous how many people thinking beating a woman or killing another human being is a good idea.