Miscellaneous: Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5... - FML

By EdgardoP - 26/06/2012 15:08 - United States - Allentown

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 317

You deserved it 3 535

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Same thing different taste

By t - 17/05/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 768

You deserved it 6 160

By Username - 05/06/2019 20:00

Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 930

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 7 721

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 937

You deserved it 44 865

By mathii - 23/07/2011 23:52 - France

Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 768

You deserved it 6 169

Baywatched out

By Username - 01/09/2010 00:35 - France

Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 753

You deserved it 10 039

By fat teen - 05/06/2016 23:33 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 526

You deserved it 2 332

Baywatch

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 508

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 230

You deserved it 839

By spaghett - 29/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 161

You deserved it 1 820

Next

Top comments

BigBoyBounce 5

Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:54

The only thing i could thonk of when i read this was Patrick Star.

saintsrocksocks 10

Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:55

Lol AHHHH BUT CRAMP. -Patrick Star

Comments

Schizomaniac 24

Tuesday 26 June 2012 23:40

Aw DAMN, 107. She called you skinny ass. You're not just gonna take that, are you?

hqbrat 8

Tuesday 26 June 2012 23:43

It's called he could have a water proof watch

xXxIracebethxXx 14

Tuesday 26 June 2012 23:46

115 - Is that your biggest accomplishment? Thumbing me down and telling me shut up? Tsk tsk. *pats head* I'm sure you'll do something just as big, again, eventually. If not, just keep hanging on to mommy's umbilical cord because it is obvious you need guidance, follower freak. Do not hop on my **** just because some other chick decided to do so. Meanwhile, have a treat. *gives biscuit*

alissa222 15

Tuesday 26 June 2012 23:57

You're the one who needs to calm down 107. Nobody else here is angry.

tvirus019 0

Wednesday 27 June 2012 0:01

Dude, #90 was saying that the dude was an ass and the chick shouldn't have been interested in someone who doesn't do their job. Get that pole out of your arse and stop being a ****. Jeez...

rhaemese 9

Wednesday 27 June 2012 0:02

Do you honestly want to fight like a little bitch over the internet? I think your comments, and you yourself, are a worthless waste of space.

McNerdyNerd 8

Wednesday 27 June 2012 1:06

I never understood this. Cramps hurt and all, but they don't stop you from doing anything, like you know...swimming to the edge of a pool and sitting down.

scarllet13101 5

Wednesday 27 June 2012 1:45

What would the life guard do??? It's a cramp your not drowning

kimbliee 4

Wednesday 27 June 2012 2:09

it was only a cramp... not like you were drowning

monkeyhead641 6

Wednesday 27 June 2012 2:18

Why should he help you with a cramp. Just stretch your legs out straight

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The Top

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 724

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 1 670

The Top

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 791

You deserved it 1 998

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 578

You deserved it 1 481

Today, in the middle of oral sex, I got a cramp in my tongue. Yes, it's a thing that can happen. My wife didn’t believe me, and since I’d already gotten a blowjob from her, she accused me of being lazy, selfish and no good at sex. This led to a huge argument and I’m now sleeping in my truck outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 332

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 333

You deserved it 3 521

Today, after being forced to take my little sister trick-or-treating, we had the cops called on us twice. She thought it would be funny to tell all the people giving out candy that I'd been following her around and that she had no idea who I was, and that she was scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 781

You deserved it 3 654

Today, I was walking through the woods when a flasher popped out of the woods buck naked, smoking a cigarette. I ran away as fast as I could. I later went to an animal shelter, looking for a dog to go on walks with me. The flasher worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 93