Intimacy: Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old...

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By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 463

You deserved it 8 741

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By julian - 29/09/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 648

You deserved it 290

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 4 574

Sex Ed is broken

By asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 735

You deserved it 9 382

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 015

You deserved it 4 620

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 22:55 - United States - Somerset

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 662

You deserved it 64 604

Misery loves company

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 919

You deserved it 5 807

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 394

You deserved it 83 199

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 7 896

That's not how any of this works

By Anonymous - 24/10/2023 10:00

Today, I gave my hubby a hand massage as he's beginning to deal with carpal tunnel issues. He then proceeded to tell me, and I quote, "This is the consequences of not properly stretching as a young guy. I did stretch pussy though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 155

By whatno - 19/06/2013 23:40 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 917

You deserved it 9 245

buckeyed 20

Friday 5 July 2013 18:51

Easy fix: all she has to do is use her mouth!

LindsayxMoore 18

Friday 5 July 2013 18:51

Wow. I think you need to have a talk with her!

Comments

slappygecko 21

Friday 5 July 2013 23:32

She should try being ambidextrous.

roachyroo 5

Friday 5 July 2013 23:35

Perpetual hand jobs.

infamousjonnx 3

Friday 5 July 2013 23:55

what a *****.

caitiebug1119 15

Friday 5 July 2013 23:58

I'd blame her boyfriend/sex buddies. They know she's hurt, she has to be in obvious discomfort, but they put their own needs ahead of her. Sit down the boyfriend/sex buddy and tell him to get out and come back when he can take care of her properly (no, her sex needs don't count).

abh1992 2

Friday 9 August 2013 22:41

.... Maybe she likes giving them...? She can say no if she doesn't want to do it. You can't auto blame the guy.

Bano360 25

Saturday 6 July 2013 0:04

Dedicated to the job at hand.

blvcklvnd69 14

Saturday 6 July 2013 0:11

Is her name handjob hannah?

JaneChemi_fml 21

Saturday 6 July 2013 0:14

facebook now has hashtags too though

Lumen94 10

Saturday 6 July 2013 0:26

Haha I would love to see the daughters face

graceinsheepwear 33

Saturday 6 July 2013 0:32

Presumably OP walked in on one handjob. Did the daughter confess to giving them over and over or did OP come home to a whole line of guys waiting their turns?