Health: Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 14:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 565

You deserved it 6 202

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/09/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 388

You deserved it 4 442

By Sica - 15/03/2012 19:28 - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 6 410

Ninja skills

By Anonymous - 28/08/2022 22:00

Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 134

Toot toot

By gassy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 250

You deserved it 36 070

By UkuleleTime - 23/06/2015 08:07 - United States - Garner

Spicy

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 2 425

Change it!

By man down! man down... - 01/12/2019 03:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a friend. It was really good too! Until she kicked me in my right nut while changing positions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 385

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 11 365

By luckygirl - 13/10/2015 16:20 - Croatia - Zagreb

Spicy

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 709

You deserved it 6 244

By solomantis - 30/07/2009 05:46 - Norway

Spicy

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 929

You deserved it 50 382

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:10 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 601

You deserved it 23 085

Next

Top comments

emerluvsu 6

Monday 19 September 2011 18:34

That's the most original fml I've ever heard.

123zc1 3

Monday 19 September 2011 18:34

Omg I almost died laughing

Comments

shutterbug_brit 1

Tuesday 20 September 2011 6:55

If that were true I'd have technically lost my virginity to my horse. I'd like to think it's not..

MissKrissy 5

Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:09

I lost my "cherry" during track running in 7th grade it's not that big of a deal

screamo_neve 12

Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:31

Well, you can't marry royalty now... :P

writergirl23 19

Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:45

If you lose your hymen to something other than a dick, you are still a virgin. What happens to little girls who learn to ride horses and it breaks theirs? Have they lost their virginity?? No!

PancakesEqualLov 0

Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:46

My friend lost it to a pole.

Acousticpixie14 6

Tuesday 20 September 2011 8:10

Well...at least you didn't lose it to an asshole.

mitchn60 6

Tuesday 20 September 2011 11:29

Well, you do and you are. ;)

Acousticpixie14 6

Thursday 22 September 2011 7:25

Um, grammar check?

kheartz 0

Tuesday 20 September 2011 8:53

oh owch! this made me cringe. you musta got kicked pretty hard... :P

megaaann_fml 9

Tuesday 20 September 2011 9:16

... The ****?

candypants86 0

Tuesday 20 September 2011 10:03

I lost mine on a teeter-totter I feel your anguish

1_day_soon 0

Tuesday 20 September 2011 10:35

aw maaan, thats sad :( sorry op

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The Top

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

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You deserved it 83

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 358

You deserved it 113 586

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 2 727

Today, I went out with a friend to a bar. After several Cosmopolitans, I decided to finally call my ex and tell him everything about how I feel, and how I really miss him. In the end, he said that it’s all so sweet and he will call my later. He hasn't called me since then. Instead, I was blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 1 444

If you ever come to a point in your life where you begin to think your fear of spiders is ridiculous, remember there are people out there who are afraid of butterflies.

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 223

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 261

You deserved it 4 815

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours, one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell, and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done, I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 010

You deserved it 25 690