Animals: Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me....

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 942

You deserved it 7 327

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 254

You deserved it 5 275

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 638

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 146

You deserved it 482

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 229

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 834

You deserved it 1 375

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 135

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 931

You deserved it 4 622

By Noname - 12/03/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 412

You deserved it 22 967

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 3 567

By murphy22 - 24/08/2012 09:33 - United States - Norman

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 648

You deserved it 2 824

Casualt1234 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:39

"swinging penis"? anyone else find this phrase odd? -_- also, at least you're getting some pussy (:,'

kirbyfan23 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:34

Well, at least you got some action!

Comments

untoldfame 3

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:44

yeah, this was up about a month ago

startafire 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:46

Wrong kind of pussy. :p

Topsy_fml 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:48

Why be upset when pussy is just throwing itself onto your dick?

phoebe777 8

Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:00

Lol

TraverseTown 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:49

You could have used any adjective to describe your Penis and you chose "swinging". YDI.

derebeker 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:50

YDI for having a swinging penis.

sven25 0

Monday 14 September 2009 21:40

yay swinging peepees!

JustinBieberIsOK 0

Tuesday 11 May 2010 20:59

SWINGING PEE-DO! lol

Jincos 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:50

I doubt that.

cyurihsung 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 1:57

Every FML that involves cats always gets a bunch of bad pussy puns. That's enough, people

T1A2Z3 34

Saturday 10 February 2018 11:40

It's enough when we say it's enough!

Person1233 12

Saturday 12 September 2009 2:05

"You spin me right round bab.." Ehh nvm, that's ireply_with_lyrics's job.

Casualt1234 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 2:09

ew that has to do with the disgusting video i saw which is why i detest the phrase "swinging penis"

masterofoverkill 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 2:32

BRUNO

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Today, I got home from the hospital after having emergency surgery on my hand. My TikTok obsessed teenager, who barely noticed I was gone, never mind that I had surgery, chose today to actually leave her room and sit downstairs with the family. Yeah, she sat on my hand. I cried. Like a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 128

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 267

You deserved it 4 584

The Top

Today, I apologized to my mother-in-law for not wanting to be around the family babies while I am struggling with infertility. She responded that that was OK but that I should still really meet my baby nephew, because, "He is the most precious baby ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 159

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 968

You deserved it 1 553

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 438

You deserved it 8 162

Today, after spending $120 to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my mom, she called to complain that I had forgotten about her for Mother's day, but also praise my sister for apparently receiving my flowers I sent at the door and passing them off as hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 695

You deserved it 919

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 7 982

Today, while I was driving, a pedestrian gesticulated wildly at me for being on my phone. I was just tucking my hair behind my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 73

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Part of the furniture

Poor little guy

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