Health: Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger,...

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By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 017

You deserved it 30 885

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/05/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 506

You deserved it 24 725

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 71 747

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 953

You deserved it 3 989

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 14:00 - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 3 143

By rhartnett11 - 16/02/2011 12:56

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 691

You deserved it 41 202

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 3 276

How many cans did I have last night?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 19:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 423

By fmlgirl - 09/05/2014 18:44 - Netherlands - Hulst

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 033

You deserved it 3 905

By N O - 27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 6 967

Slasher

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 737

You deserved it 9 392

RahmEsHestos 5

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:59

You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?

kimmi41509 10

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:03

Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?

Comments

06maggie23 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:24

Idiot

stuffhappens223 7

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:32

Dude seriously…

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:32

For your girlfriend's sake, I hope you don't graduate up to your willy, a cigar cutter & a re-enactment of the Guillotine...

9010649 3

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:51

Your comment reminded me of that one Family Guy episode with Peter and the pencil sharpener. :P

harof1c 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:33

WTF is wrong with you idiot

loginword123 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:34

Wh would you do that??

SeemsToFail 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:40

Thats what you do when your bored...really?

MrBigKeps 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 23:50

Please point out why you would do that.

skipzabeat 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 0:15

You thought you could get a million hits on YouTube with finger puppets? Hey, at least I feel better, good FML

xCrazyMexican 4

Sunday 26 February 2012 0:16

U r a pussy

zoethepooh 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 0:27

What the ****.

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The Top

Today, I went out to buy my wife some flowers and a chocolate bar that I overhead she liked the other day. On the way home, I was complimented on the bouquet I chose and feeling pretty good about myself. When I got home it turned out I got the wrong kind of flowers and the wrong percent of dark chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 136

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I agree, your life sucks 47 694

You deserved it 15 141

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I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 731

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I agree, your life sucks 31 212

You deserved it 6 701

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I agree, your life sucks 33 862

You deserved it 2 256

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I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 204

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I agree, your life sucks 38 348

You deserved it 3 797

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 401

You deserved it 514

Same thing different taste

How many cans did I have last night?

Slasher

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