Intimacy: Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However,...

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By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 980

You deserved it 50 606

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Same thing different taste

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 930

You deserved it 46 343

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 681

You deserved it 33 496

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 593

You deserved it 51 125

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 761

You deserved it 12 432

By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 146

You deserved it 5 956

By Wannabees - 03/04/2012 05:13 - Canada

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 437

You deserved it 37 779

Tanned pits

By huulo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 614

You deserved it 28 365

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 191

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 7 379

abbytequiere 9

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:26

You deserve this just for calling it your man-mush. Really?

bobbyfmaul 2

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:23

New nick name - "The Thing"

Comments

wriptidez 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:32

tmi

Shleebs 12

Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:45

Buy a few lemons, cut them in half, (pray that you don't have any cuts on your man-parts) rub the affected area. Problem solved.

Yodaevil 4

Tuesday 20 December 2011 18:02

Only could imagine the surprise his girlfriend would get when she blows him! Bitter dick face!

Snow_Daisy 7

Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:45

Am I the only one who had to read this twice to understand what was being said?

TheYoshiMan 12

Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:11

No, I did too lol

itstesshomo 2

Tuesday 20 December 2011 12:22

ahahahhahah.

gchwood 2

Tuesday 20 December 2011 12:37

Use steel wool to get it off. It works every time.

unicornunit 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 12:47

cheetoe puff?

insidejokeswithm 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 13:08

That's what you get for masturbating.

lwilso41 5

Tuesday 20 December 2011 13:12

Lemon juice and steel wool!

Steve95401 49

Tuesday 20 December 2011 14:08

Scrubbing your junk with steel wool really sounds painful.

GLiseeyy 1

Tuesday 20 December 2011 13:18

Snooki will defiantly want to "smush" with you.

kingeorge101 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 13:54

Caught orange handed?

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You deserved it 54 015

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I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 166

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I agree, your life sucks 52 234

You deserved it 16 841

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I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 206

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I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 464