Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't... - FML

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 824

Watch out for the New Year
It's time to say goodbye to the current year, but when the goodbye goes wrong, it's a different story. Be careful, you might want to stay at home. More…

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Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 924

You deserved it 798 799

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 876

You deserved it 8 704

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 179

You deserved it 10 863

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 019

You deserved it 639

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 590

You deserved it 9 944

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 3 186

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 627

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 89 257

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 796

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Spicy

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 836

You deserved it 13 051

Next

Top comments

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

Brady_Irvine 0

Monday 22 February 2010 4:45

I like your granpa's sayings. xD

metalcrue 0

Monday 22 February 2010 5:58

i believe this is the only one near both the top and the flop lists

Bloodbathandbeyo 0

Monday 22 February 2010 15:57

the fml is that she held him in. how is that his fault?

albert17 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 0:56

this is the worlds most famous fml. 400000 votes is no joke

PandasRtheShit 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 3:15

4 months to go sucka!

FYOL 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 14:44

lololol... how's the baby?

screwlife23 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 17:32

that sucks but it's just going to get worse. lmao "be my babys daddy."

flbeat 0

Monday 1 March 2010 6:37

lol I love blizay's (1109) comment. that's some funny shit

ananda123 0

Wednesday 3 March 2010 6:49

haha

markmark 0

Wednesday 3 March 2010 11:43

loooooool

Keywords

Embarrassing Work Miscellaneous Messy Family Christmas Kids Awkward Health Holidays Annoying Relatable Haircut Hair Money Gifts Lonely Drunk Cars Parents Ironic Love Sex Intimacy I need your advice Technology Social Media Weird Am I overreacting? Break-ups

The Top

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 734

You deserved it 6 592

Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 6 778

Today, I found out that my university had not accepted the internship I did when I was in college. They placed me in the same bank I interned in, with the same bank manager that I flipped the middle finger at after finishing my internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 201

You deserved it 27 311

Today, some guy tried to rob me and I accidentally made him stab himself with his own knife. Now he gets a comfy ride to hospital, while I get to sit across from this grumpy desk sergeant, waiting for a lawyer to explain that I'm actually the victim in this scenario. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 91

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 627

You deserved it 3 003

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 857

You deserved it 791

Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 187