Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 1 808

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Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 840

You deserved it 798 614

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 866

You deserved it 8 699

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 175

You deserved it 10 858

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 002

You deserved it 637

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 580

You deserved it 9 940

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 314

You deserved it 3 182

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 015

You deserved it 45 617

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 672

You deserved it 89 239

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 776

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 819

You deserved it 13 042

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

ElsBells 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 8:34

As for the pulling out debate, if it's done in time, the only thing that can get the chick pregnant is pre-cum. And -correct me if I'm wrong- pre-cum can only enduce pregnancy when there's sperm left over from the last ejaculation in the penis. Leftover sperm exits the body when the guy urinates. So, basically, if the guy has peed since he last ejaculated and he pulls out IN TIME, it's pretty damn effective. That's your sex ed lesson of the day. But yeah, there's the whole STD thing. STDs are often not noticeable. Like herpes. It can still be spread even when no signs or symptoms are present in the host! I hope she's not pregnant, because let's face it, you're no parent of the year in the making...But I hope you get herpes. For being stupid. =] haha..jk? But in the future...don't be a fool, wrap your tool. Kthanks.

Bella_x 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:59

LMFAO!! "Be my baby's daddy!" Hahaha I have been yelling that for days! That is just so great. A new pick up line LMFAO!! jk

FallenAngel209 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 18:56

Wow, I gotta say it's a YDI. Next time don't have drunken sex with some girl you don't know at all. Who knows what STD's she had let alone the pregnant issue. Ew...

Vtlacey 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 21:57

hope things work out in ur favor. but i hope you've learned you lesson

mastershake 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 0:51

yes THANK YOU #191 everyone that thinks hes stupid for having drunk sex is just jealous they never had the chance to do it themselves. its not his fault shes psychoooooOoooOoOo

rebecca_fml 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 2:23

HAHAHA this is one of the best FMLs i've ever read. hah wow.

Shadow_Sniper 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 5:30

haha even though you completely deserved it, its still hilarious

babygrl_13 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 6:07

Dude do you not listen to people when they say stuff like: "Don't be silly, Wrap your willy!" "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool!" "No glove, no love." "Wrap it before you tap it." "Cover your bump before you hump." "Don't be a dick, cover your stick.".....? Yeah, there's a reason they say it! but hey, happy early Father's Day, you just earned the Father of the Year award! Hope it was worth one drunken night of stupidity!