Work: Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that...

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 01:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 366

You deserved it 4 762

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Same thing different taste

By zl5 - 04/07/2014 23:17 - New Zealand - Masterton

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 124

You deserved it 4 843

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 202

You deserved it 2 575

Contempt

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 21:59 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 425

You deserved it 1 585

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 852

You deserved it 31 224

By apav - 11/06/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 903

You deserved it 24 410

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 21:15 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 531

You deserved it 4 239

Fake news

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 20:04 - Cura?ao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 337

You deserved it 3 459

Bad boys bad boys

By Tom - 17/08/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 439

You deserved it 108 485

By chieftain - 09/05/2012 19:34 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 5 703

By Dreamer - 03/07/2012 06:22 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 670

You deserved it 3 820

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Thursday 23 May 2013 9:52

I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.

BananaDildo 1

Thursday 23 May 2013 9:52

McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.

Comments

Mister_Triangle 21

Thursday 23 May 2013 11:57

There is no 'real meaning'. Swag is short for swagger, which is essentially confidence. Swag is also used as a term for items obtained at events such as conventions or concerts. Captain Jack Sparrow had swagger. My ComiCon lanyard was free swag. And now both words have lost all meaning to me because I said them too much.

i_heart_cookies 12

Thursday 23 May 2013 11:59

Face palm. Pure face palm.

jd2013 5

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:01

I don't always understand Candian or American terminology. In Britain swag is a Victorian term for stolen goods - is that what is meant here? JD

annie_nk 22

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:07

It meant that at one point but not in this FML. Although the irony of saying he can get out of a robbery because of all his swag is quite hilarious.

TheBrochure 22

Thursday 23 May 2013 13:28

#56 - Short for swagger, incredibly annoying slang term to recently become widely popular, mocked, and ironically used.

qr_fml 21

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:06

What a dumb f*ck

pattayarick 8

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:15

That swag will get him a nice boyfriends in prison. He'll be everybody's bitch.

Neyuu 18

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:43

Thank you, 52. I'm really sick of people making up meanings, as well as turning "gay" into an insult.

simsgirlgem 25

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:43

And then the Judge said guilty by reason of dumb assery

CommonSenseKarma 17

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:51

Is your client 12?

SAgirl 13

Thursday 23 May 2013 14:06

more like 6

Soloman212 28

Thursday 23 May 2013 12:53

Uh the gay thing seems kind of unrelated... I don't think there's any mistake for what "gay" means when it's used as an insult. Not that I agree with its use as a derogatory term, but you kind of pinned it to an unrelated argument.