Miscellaneous: Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl...

By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 299

You deserved it 34 568

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Same thing different taste

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 099

You deserved it 3 663

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 632

You deserved it 4 069

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 525

You deserved it 66 019

Silent night

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 06:00

Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 132

By knobbed - 27/01/2014 23:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 931

You deserved it 4 884

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 132

You deserved it 15 183

It's not a phase, mom!

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 7 268

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 267

You deserved it 27 579

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 619

You deserved it 36 075

Time to run

By Anonymous - 24/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 94

BoredomCentral 8

Monday 14 November 2011 8:54

Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.

mannykiddo 3

Monday 14 November 2011 9:07

Today, you are a raccoon.

Comments

purpletigers1527 3

Monday 14 November 2011 22:45

You have a girlfriend...only use her if you wanna lose her.

javy2428 3

Monday 14 November 2011 23:21

Why the **** would you tell your girlfriend

awesomelikethat 0

Monday 14 November 2011 23:28

Nice. Heh heh and you're Canadian too.

ThatHurts_SD 4

Monday 14 November 2011 23:31

I mentioned that I grabbed her ass mistakenly because I thought the girl was my girlfriend. And I told her because I thought she'd just laugh at me. She really didn't! For your information, I am now single too... FML

pistolpete01 9

Monday 14 November 2011 23:56

awww man that sucks, next time respect a girl a little more and you wont get in these types of situations.

trismagestus 19

Tuesday 15 November 2011 3:48

#90: Respect the girl more by... what? Lying to her instead of telling her the truth? Unless you think grabbing your significant other in public is disrespectful? He thought the other girl was his girlfriend, did to here what he does to his girlfriend sometimes, and got assaulted. When he told his girlfriend how he got his black eye, she assaulted him, too. Why are you lecturing *him*?