Miscellaneous: Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl...

By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 300

You deserved it 34 577

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Same thing different taste

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 106

You deserved it 3 665

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 641

You deserved it 4 071

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 526

You deserved it 66 025

Silent night

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 06:00

Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 133

By knobbed - 27/01/2014 23:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 4 885

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 15 186

It's not a phase, mom!

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 875

You deserved it 7 268

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 274

You deserved it 27 588

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 36 079

Time to run

By Anonymous - 24/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 98

BoredomCentral 8

Monday 14 November 2011 8:54

Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.

mannykiddo 3

Monday 14 November 2011 9:07

Today, you are a raccoon.

Comments

hateevryone 14

Monday 14 November 2011 18:22

double fail

dylanmurre 4

Monday 14 November 2011 19:34

It's funny. I see it the other way. I think girls think they can do what ever they want to guys. Girls are allowed to punch guys in the face but as soon as a guy goes to punch a girls in the face..... He is suddenly the worst excuse for a man. (I have never hit a girl before just sayin) all I can say is I hate bitches.

yellowzinnias 20

Monday 14 November 2011 19:46

I think this is a sucks...because I'm pretty sure he meant he thought that the butt he was grabbing WAS his girlfriend's. And I commend him for his honesty with his girlfriend, rather than trying to make up a story.

daitan 3

Monday 14 November 2011 22:06

Exactly what I was thinking. It's no wonder guys get a bad rep for being liars with all the assholes on here saying he should've lied in the first place.

aliceperez 6

Monday 14 November 2011 19:47

Mistakenly grabbed it? As in u thought it was ur Gf? Or u were drunk and wanted some ass?

mario1045 0

Monday 14 November 2011 19:58

Wow, grow some balls or get a less manly woman

juanitad 3

Monday 14 November 2011 20:14

DUDE I'm a woman and even i know don't say anything to the GF if it was an accident. You'll only end up in pain

Daralea 21

Monday 14 November 2011 21:11

I guess some people just like to be honest and expect people who they trust to understand.

cc_the_beast 6

Tuesday 15 November 2011 0:37

If my BF came to me with that story the worst I would do would be to laugh at him. People need to chill the **** out.

blackvyper 8

Monday 14 November 2011 20:23

Hope it was an iPhone... they're best for that.

mattorama 15

Monday 14 November 2011 20:36

YDI, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I can't say I'm surprised somebody who thought it was a good idea to grab somebody's ass also thought it was a good idea to blurt it out to his girlfriend afterwards. Say you tripped and hit yourself in the face with a beer bottle, you got into a fight with a vagrant, ANYTHING! Not "Sorry, I was grabbing another girl's ass."