Intimacy: Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 13/07/2012 23:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 004

You deserved it 7 885

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By S. - 26/08/2012 16:20 - Estonia

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 298

You deserved it 12 749

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 7 381

By randm1 - 02/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 127

You deserved it 8 728

Numb

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Canton

Today, an accident, which ripped off skin off of one side of my penis (which healed fine) a year ago, now has a side effect. If I sit on a hard chair too long, that area gets numb to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and the only solution is to stand up and rub it until the numbness goes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 89

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 320

You deserved it 21 685

Hot boy summer

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 751

You deserved it 84 108

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 935

You deserved it 1 250

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 539

You deserved it 10 689

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 016

You deserved it 27 452

Sliced and diced

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 272

Flyersfan54 4

Saturday 14 July 2012 5:47

It sucks when you get it done later in life.

airforce987 20

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:33

Somehow I doubt that 19

Comments

deliki 11

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:17

I had a friend who had to have it done when he was in late 20s cause of an accident during sex, and no it's not fun from what I understand..

merrielp 13

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:24

Been there buddy. DO NOT GET A STIFFY.

prettyvolatile 3

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:25

Y didn't you put on some sweats?

JonahCullen 3

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:26

I wish I had mine. ::

gmaxwell1 2

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:29

vacuum?

babycakesxx 11

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:46

So wear track pants?

etoilenuit 15

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:55

Pick them up naked?

Vynoshit 3

Saturday 14 July 2012 7:06

Then don't wear jeans. Duh.

jedielf 23

Saturday 14 July 2012 7:08

Wear very very loose pants. And rather than squatting, crawl or lie on your stomach. Or something like that.

VictoriaDesiree 0

Saturday 14 July 2012 7:08

Remove the pants. Duh

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Kids Babysitter Technology Dating Embarrassing Geek Poopoo peepee Family Annoying Work Proposal Awkward Health Autism Food Jealousy Animals Scary Gross Insomnia Relationship advice Miscellaneous Neighbours Friends Bodyshaming Intimacy Sex Money Parents

The Top

Today, I went to visit my great-grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 2 624

Today, my coworker and I debated whether 100 average dudes could take down one gorilla. He said, "Only if 30 of us are willing to die." I disagreed, so we started working it out, using a whiteboard to do the math… which we forgot to wipe before the next meeting. HR now has us on a watchlist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 466

The Top

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 581

You deserved it 5 965

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 2 609

Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 756

Sometimes all you can do is sit back and let them get it out of their systems.

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 110

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I was on my way to pick up her cake but I got into a car accident and ended up in the emergency room. When I call her to explain what happened, she called me an useless fuck for ruining her birthday by not bringing the cake. She’s yet to ask if I'm okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 91

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 082

You deserved it 4 461