By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Spicy
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks 58 161
You deserved it 20 925
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Top comments

kirbydumas 10

Well thanks OP. Now none of us can drink milk without thinking about that too.

844 9
mpkpm 19

Seems like you were a bit too thirsty..

433 11

Comments

95DeVille 13

Well, just grab those **** and milk them!

69 3
Enslaved 36

"I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?"

35 0
sunshineb81 16

YDI. "I met this chick....ended up sleeping together..." Get to know someone first. No telling what can happen if you have sex with a virtual stranger. An aversion to milk is better than an STD or an angry husband walking in.

124 33
askullnamedbilly 33

Sleeping with a stranger is just as dangerous as sleeping with a person you know, unless both of you get tested before you do the deed. You might not know what diseases a stranger could carry, but I sure as hell bet you don't know what your friends and family could have either. Do you really think OP's risk of contracting an STD would have lowered if he dated that same girl for a few weeks before having kinky cow sex with her?

23 56
Pleonasm 35

You sleep with your friends and family?

88 3
RedPillSucks 31

#22 said "get to know someone first" Dating for a couple of weeks may not really qualify.

31 6
Pleonasm 35

And yes, your risk is reduced if it is with someone you've known for a while and trust, because like you said, tests can be done, plus you know a bit about the person- how many people they've slept with (if you know that 0 is there number then the risk is pretty low, right?), how safe they practice their sex. You also get enough trust to know if they actually DO have any STDs, and if they're someone you KNOW is thrustworthy then the risk of them lying is lower too. Now, if you frequently have sex with strangers then yes, you ARE increasing your odds that they carry STDs and therefore that you'll contract one. TL;DR: Yes, knowing various things about your partners helps reduce risks.

38 4
jackel_love 14

OP never mentioned whether or not he used protection...

4 11
Catahoulaqueen_fml 17

52, I really hope "thrustworthy" wasn't a typo, because it was amazing.

51 1
love_me_electric 20

You can still get an STD from someone you know really well. There was a woman who got HIV from her husband. Neither of them knew they had it until they had a child and the baby was HIV positive. Do you get every single sexual partner you have tested for every single STD before you sleep with them? Didn't think so. Obviously the more people you sleep with, the more likely you are to come into contact with an STD. But it's still very possible to get an STD from the first person you have sex with, even if you trust them.

1 0
conman531 23

Jesus ******* Christ. That's not beautiful

16 44
gracehi 31

Reminds me of that FML from a few years ago, where the boyfriend told the OP that she looked like a cow with utters, and then amended, "No! I mean a SEXY cow!" Was she a sexy cow, OP?

62 3
whys0serious 12

How on Christ can a cow be sexy :D It's actually funny though. If I would have said that to my wife before having sex I'm sure we both would have ended up laughing out asses off.

1 0
foo_foo_the_snoo 14

So did you? Milk her like a cow? We want to know OP.

28 5
titoski 5

lots of leche coming out from her udders and chunky love canal

6 23
91hayek 31

*see profile pic for reaction*

32 2
himwhomlaughs 14

OP sounds like a douche for some reason...

20 2
KingLewisII 34

Bet you would have finished if you loved ******* animals.

57 5
g4m30v3r 11

Excellent follow up to that other fml!

5 2