Animals: Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my...

By farksh - 07/03/2015 12:14 - Australia

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 6 288

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Same thing different taste

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 5 960

Spooked

By chrskr13 - 28/07/2023 12:00 - Denmark - Soborg

Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 797

By Annie - 24/08/2015 08:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 787

You deserved it 9 267

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 323

Scared to bed

By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 12:00

Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 736

You deserved it 432

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

By somebody - 08/06/2012 23:13 - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 371

You deserved it 2 090

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 822

You deserved it 5 381

By JustLeaveThem - 25/01/2017 18:00

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 292

cutycat136 28

Saturday 7 March 2015 23:53

Okay. Now just don't think of the size of that spider and its long legs taking it all the way to the couch tonight. Good luck OP :)

coming back in the future 30

Saturday 7 March 2015 23:57

Only in Australia.,

Comments

Britt125 16

Sunday 8 March 2015 2:25

Sleep on the couch? **** that, I'd get the hell out of that house faster than you can blink, and never go back until I had a flamethrower to burn the sucker down. I wouldn't trust the little ****** to not come find me while I was sleeping and vulnerable.

WattledParsley 11

Sunday 8 March 2015 2:30

Of ******* course it's in Australia.

whiter 13

Sunday 8 March 2015 3:07

Happened to me once too. Some say the spider still lives in my room plotting its vengeance...

False_Stupidity 41

Sunday 8 March 2015 3:07

Build a ring of fire around the couch and then a good solid ring of surface spray as well. Its the only way you can sleep peacefully on the couch. (Disclaimer: Surface spray may be flammable and result in a horrible fiery death.)

xluciferx666 21

Sunday 8 March 2015 3:10

Just abandon the house it belongs to the spider now

Ziggy122 15

Sunday 8 March 2015 3:41

If there's one thing I've learned from FML, it's that Australia is an arachnophobe's worst nightmare.

Levvy 22

Sunday 8 March 2015 23:00

Realy, irisiridescent? And what spider would that be? Is it a relative of the Two-Step Viper? Maybe the Hoop Snake? The jackalope? The Mothman? As I mentioned in a comment further down, the literal most venemous spider on the entire planet can't kill a healthy adult, and has literally not killed ANYONE (unhealthy or otherwise) since the development of antivenom. So I'd be absolutely fascinated to hear about this mythical terminator-spider that uses the same timetable as a pizza delivery joint that's apparently gone unnoticed by the entire field of zoology.

Wolfipoo 31

Sunday 8 March 2015 4:26

That's gotta be scary OP, hope you find it, or better yet, hope you find a small fire where it should be that puts itself after.

Scryll 17

Sunday 8 March 2015 4:30

5-10 minutes for that spider tops to make it to the couch good luck

rainbotato 14

Sunday 8 March 2015 4:52

this is why you must always confirm the kill

Jacei3eleren 2

Sunday 8 March 2015 5:15

spiders don't have the cognitive functions necessary to store memory much less a desire for vengeance. ..ull be fine.

Brandi_Faith 33

Sunday 8 March 2015 6:07

LIES!!

Levvy 22

Sunday 8 March 2015 22:57

Wow. People getting downvoted for literally not believing spiders can plot revenge. I know arachnophobia became trendy on the internet a while back, but man. Even the worst fashion cliques in the world aren't this aggressive in shouting down people who don't take part in them.