Kids: Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense.... - FML

By Jakesssss - 10/04/2015 01:02 - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 277

You deserved it 10 821

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Same thing different taste

By Karate Kid - 25/05/2012 06:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 972

You deserved it 35 381

By Braxam - 15/06/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 586

You deserved it 3 641

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 374

You deserved it 34 847

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 798

You deserved it 54 526

Cobra KO

By WeakBitch - 18/02/2018 15:00

Today, during a judo session, I was paired with a thin, frail-looking rookie. Before a mock skirmish, as I'm much bigger, I said I'd take it easy on her, but also to give it her best shot. She immediately threw me on my face to the floor, knocking me out cold in 7 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 7 643

By inpain - 17/03/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 894

You deserved it 2 410

By aero00 - 27/07/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 13 509

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 395

You deserved it 66 459

So, here's the thing…

By dad - 28/04/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 651

By TKDConnor92 - 22/07/2011 10:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 6 733

Next

Top comments

Aspen_Grace33 27

Friday 10 April 2015 12:17

Well, look at the bright side...you're a great teacher!!!

Abdul888 16

Friday 10 April 2015 12:27

You taught him "self defense," and now the brat learned to assault.

Comments

Zebediabolical 39

Friday 10 April 2015 18:13

Never teach a move you don't know how to defend.

Omniprism 14

Friday 10 April 2015 18:28

You're supposed to know how to block those.

Kaaykuwatzuu 13

Friday 10 April 2015 19:15

Must've been some knock-out talent.

DaRito 25

Friday 10 April 2015 21:11

Spock, did you teach him the Vulcan nerve pinch?

ILikeKoalas 24

Friday 10 April 2015 22:06

What a little prick.

ILikeKoalas 24

Friday 10 April 2015 22:41

You suck validator! ;)

junkusernamexyz 17

Friday 10 April 2015 22:48

Well he had to practice somehow

Gillett 23

Friday 10 April 2015 23:10

I feel your pain. I began teaching my son how to defend himself at the age of two because he was such a runt. First was how to land a solid right hook and when i was watching TV with him later that day he sucker punched me and had my nose gushing with blood!

malachite1357 11

Friday 10 April 2015 23:37

I mean, at least you taught him correctly. Maybe a little TOO correctly?

Speedy1979 13

Friday 10 April 2015 23:56

Lol!!

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The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 090

You deserved it 3 098

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

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You deserved it 183

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 27 265

You deserved it 2 908

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 278

You deserved it 418

Today, I asked my son about girls and stuff and he told me he’s probably never going to date. I asked him why, and it turns out he’s afraid of being sent to jail if she makes any sort of false allegation against him. I told him not all women are like that, he told me I’m either naive or lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 270

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

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You deserved it 40 164

Today, months after buying my first bass guitar and taking bass lessons using my own money, I realized that my parents refused to buy me an instrument, claiming that I sucked at it. What actually happened is that they didn't feel like paying for some "teenage bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 168

Today, my boyfriend was tidying up around the room. I asked him if he'd like me to help, to which he responded, "No, I don't need any help," then added, "Wish you weren't so lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 240