Health: Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten...

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 431

You deserved it 61 488

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Same thing different taste

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 20 774

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 829

You deserved it 68 936

By captfml - 15/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 311

You deserved it 27 718

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 977

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 678

You deserved it 36 219

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 50 525

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 10 190

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 983

You deserved it 4 835

By TowelSmellsNice - 16/04/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 554

You deserved it 70 622

JGrevious 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:03

charming. absouluty charming

Freeze_fml 16

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:05

How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.

Comments

Stiffilz 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 7:34

ur a dirty ****. take ur germs elsewhere. YDI

Smilzen 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 7:40

You know this is how the zombie apocalypse starts, right?

Randon_j 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 7:52

wow that's ******* nasty as hel what the **** is wrong wit you ****** weirdo and now I'll never shake another hand as long as I live

neney 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 8:39

that's discusting! you should Aleta wash your hands straight after using the bathroom. You totally deserved that

wtfhowsad 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 8:57

that's ****** nasty

adv3nt 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 9:06

That's just called recycling. P.S. YDI you grotty prick

cboisen10 1

Thursday 11 March 2010 9:10

not a big deal unless u took a dum on ur hands or wipe with ur hands

pepokish 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 9:18

OP, are you an IT guy?

wrigglezeus 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 10:01

pepokish I was just wondering the same thing

hmckay2010 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 10:04

are u the IT guy who forgot to wash his hands in the fml a few up? gross

alphaxzero 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 10:06

haha that's exactly what i was thinking too! lol he has to be that IT guy

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 169

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 116

The Top

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 600

You deserved it 58 291

Today, I had planned a pig eye dissection with my students. I didn’t think it was possible to have a student stupid enough to swallow the lens. Now I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 63

Today, I had to call the hotel we were staying at to recover some items I had left. Those items consist of a cellphone, razor blades, used batteries, and a vibrator. They have nothing to do with each other, but yes, they're at the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 1 398

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 648

You deserved it 6 558

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 852

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 540

You deserved it 6 364

Same thing different taste

Spice

Receptacle

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