Intimacy: Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before...

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 11:37 - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 813

You deserved it 13 782

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Same thing different taste

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 247

You deserved it 1 240

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 2 752

By badhabit - 31/05/2019 22:00

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 1 672

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 395

You deserved it 8 832

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 597

You deserved it 1 344

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 689

You deserved it 59 258

Saucy

By weeble_wobbles09 - 08/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 459

You deserved it 25 931

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 17:15 - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 591

You deserved it 33 775

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 4 235

By Noname - 30/12/2008 16:53 - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 008

You deserved it 4 920

Crash92 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:09

Damn, I guess that means your pretty bad.

WildClown 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:34

Next time be a man and call her. Texting is for the weak.

Comments

skyoolie 0

Friday 8 May 2009 17:56

this is why you don't sleep with people the day you meet them

jenn03 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:03

LOL *****

The_Cait 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:06

Hahaha. Wow. It sucks to be on the losing end of this, but that is a fantastically hilarious shoot-down line!

thisishilarious 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:06

dominated, by a girl... you suck at life and at sex, also why would you text a random hook up to hang out, you dont want to date ******

hyper12332 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:15

hahahahahah thats really funny

whatever234 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:18

Look at it this way: you got to get off, and now you're off the hook too. No need to hang out with her or listen to her call all the time...

memyselfandi_fml 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:24

#15, wrong fml

timbo1437 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:30

Yeah, that stinks, better luck next time.

graybear 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:31

That's because you sent a TEXT! Pick up the damn phone! What is with men these days?!!

666midnight 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:33

ah ha! you got owned XD Fail =)

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The Top

Today, I saw some of my parents' recent social media posts. They spent the holidays at the five star Radisson Blu hotel on Gran Canaria for a week, while I'm homeless in Moscow, struggling with bad shoes and improper clothes. I don't deserve the FML as I wasn't responsible for what caused my situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 227

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 787

You deserved it 22 726

The Top

Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 388

You deserved it 20 234

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 045

You deserved it 12 481

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 050

You deserved it 17 358

Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 958

You deserved it 1 340

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 541

You deserved it 3 053

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 149