Intimacy: Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for... - FML

By okay._. - 01/11/2012 07:54 - United States - Marysville

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 514

You deserved it 7 411

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Same thing different taste

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 964

You deserved it 40 648

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 195

You deserved it 6 630

Easy

By pokie - 30/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 927

You deserved it 9 445

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Spicy

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 089

You deserved it 7 767

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 085

You deserved it 373

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 781

You deserved it 27 696

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 171

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 913

By Anonymous - 27/10/2014 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 010

You deserved it 5 185

By jodibut - 06/02/2012 16:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 764

You deserved it 8 060

Next

Top comments

bladomas 2

Thursday 1 November 2012 15:06

why not both? serve him while naked

ManInTheMachine 19

Thursday 1 November 2012 15:06

I think you took him too literally, OP. Guys are crazy about the kinky cook. Just put on an apron, start cooking, and pasta might not be the only thing on the menu. ;)

Comments

dewdotcom 1

Thursday 1 November 2012 16:18

He should have asked you to dress like a chef, atleast be creative if you're going to be a pig.

viper8608 9

Thursday 1 November 2012 16:48

oh wanted to eat is being a pig now adays? shut up.

annie_nk 22

Thursday 1 November 2012 16:45

Men's three basic needs: eating, sleeping and sex. Right now, the basic need of eating is overpowering the other needs.

THATguy0698 4

Thursday 1 November 2012 16:46

That just made my day

Tonks8432 1

Thursday 1 November 2012 17:31

lol

Thaxton76 3

Thursday 1 November 2012 17:39

He should have asked you to dress as a naked lady with dinner ready!

afropuffjake 9

Thursday 1 November 2012 17:40

This guy knows he wants to go to town on you. :-D But he's hungry and needs some food & Gatorade first!

backfat 6

Thursday 1 November 2012 18:09

Your boyfriend actually sounds hilarious. You're lucky

HFE10 2

Thursday 1 November 2012 18:18

I like him

Crabtree1015 12

Thursday 1 November 2012 18:39

hahaha!

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 1 November 2012 19:06

In a nightie =] He likes to brew his imagination. I respect that.

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The Top

Today, after I've climbed some of the world's tallest mountains before I was 30, including Everest, now thanks to Covid, plus a genetic lung condition I inherited from my absentee bastard father, I have to stop for breath halfway up the stairs, and sex can make me so lightheaded I pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 354

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 349

You deserved it 403

The Top

Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 1 571

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 609

You deserved it 71 881

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 531

You deserved it 3 615

Today, my 13 year-old autistic step-son has been having a meltdown all afternoon and has attacked me three times. Why? He discovered me and his mother are having sex, you know, almost as if we were a married couple. He’s getting worse; no matter what we do, he is definitely getting worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 134

Today, my father stole the money I'd saved up by working and spent it all gambling. I'd saved it up for a year for a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 97

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 691

You deserved it 12 951