Miscellaneous: Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked...

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By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 811

You deserved it 6 147

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 592

You deserved it 2 881

By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 123

You deserved it 6 094

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 2 598

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 231

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 575

You deserved it 10 552

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 266

You deserved it 4 839

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 709

You deserved it 3 520

By grannysmack - 11/07/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 881

You deserved it 6 560

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 219

You deserved it 1 503

Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 384

You deserved it 4 434

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

Comments

emilie_gambii 9

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:36

Mmhmm salad suuuure

Ambient25 24

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:37

I guess some people don't understand the subtleties of tossing a salad....giggity

football98_fml 20

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

you shudve told her i prefer to use cactus

30361 10

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:50

*Should've, Really?

adam3650 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:55

To be fair, i think should've is the least of your worries with that statement.

laden_swallow09 34

Saturday 3 August 2013 6:34

16- Why? Seriously, why? It wouldn't have made it any less embarrassing, just more stupid.

SizzlePink 4

Wednesday 18 September 2013 4:52

it would bring laughter into the situation duhh

TylerBurden 21

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

What a nice advice! Creepy old cucumber lady.

amy6703 6

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

You should have held up a bottle of ranch dressing and gave her a thumbs up

Darren22 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

at least she knows what she' s doing ;-)

tacojauns 45

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:41

What? isnt lubing up the cucumber while cutting it going to make it easier for you to get hurt? oh OH

NoDontKillMe 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:46

Suuuuureee...

kasmol 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:46

I don't remember Dear Abby ever being that helpful.

Wolstenholme 11

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:47

I've seen lots of epic grandmothers on this website, but this is one of the epicest.

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You deserved it 4 706

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The Top

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You deserved it 2 936

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I agree, your life sucks 39 575

You deserved it 7 476

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 5 834

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 065

You deserved it 3 083

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 888

You deserved it 1 549

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with, "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 238

You deserved it 8 927

Same thing different taste

Thanks for sharing

Helper Blues

Thanks, I guess…

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