Intimacy: Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket...

By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 448

You deserved it 75 813

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By fuck the fucking cops - 16/03/2012 18:41 - Belgium

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 900

You deserved it 4 803

You ain't seen me, right

By omgomgomg - 27/10/2011 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush and had to get changed in a train restroom. While changing, I leaned against the button that opened the door. Not only do train toilet doors open and close very slowly, leaving you half naked for a few seconds, but everyone in the carriage opposite can see clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 329

You deserved it 4 204

By M.L. - 06/09/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 471

You deserved it 12 789

By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - 07/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 333

You deserved it 2 251

By bridezilla - 05/07/2009 04:12 - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497

You deserved it 6 861

By grossgross - 26/09/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 608

You deserved it 5 544

Nice try, Sheila

By Mulee - 07/03/2009 12:03 - Belgium

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't have time to buy a ticket. When I was the conductor, he was a young man so I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I hadn't bought a ticket he said, "Do your top up, I'm gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 389

You deserved it 168 265

By Julie - 31/03/2009 01:43 - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 405

You deserved it 6 734

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 299

You deserved it 3 316

Locked

By Anonymous - 19/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was in a rush and didn't notice that the bathroom stall I chose at work had a broken lock. Halfway through my business, a coworker barged in. We locked eyes for an awkward eternity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 79

inlimbo11 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 6:03

"I get off by jerking off in public bathrooms, FML."

banana2022 4

Monday 17 August 2009 0:55

Why would you jack off on a train you ******* weirdo?? That's disgusting, blue balls or not.

Comments

cobrakid77678 0

Friday 27 February 2009 21:48

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

christrex99 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

lolfood 24

Monday 1 April 2013 7:55

What?

johobus28 26

Sunday 11 October 2015 4:55

Quick, I think it's trying to communicate

Mamu1977 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 1:28

@ comment #3 If he did it in Germany, the fine is somewhere in the 500 Euro (($700 American) range. That's a lot of money to spend for some public transportation sex.

dyehard321 0

Sunday 16 May 2010 8:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

drs17 0

Friday 29 April 2011 1:22

it's number 8 that talked bout std's smart one, you are the dumb shit

LilHitla 15

Tuesday 20 January 2015 15:31

hey #7, you replied to the wrong one just to be seen, ironically you made yourself look stupid.

ohitter117 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:29

why would u be jerking off in a train bathroom? r u trying to get an std??

lolfood 24

Monday 1 April 2013 7:56

-.-. You're REALLY stupid.

mat_sib 18

Friday 26 December 2014 12:51

Hey pal you just blow in from stupid town

maggeei 16

Friday 17 June 2016 22:22

you can't get an std from masturbating

T1A2Z3 34

Friday 20 April 2018 1:51

Better than on the train. Surely he shouldn't unlock the bathroom if someone is in there? You might have said: one minute! ?

inlimbo11 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 6:03

"I get off by jerking off in public bathrooms, FML."

katelove18 0

Monday 8 February 2010 10:48

me to we should have sex in a public bathroom of course!!! wow I am getting off just thinking about it......oh baby I also love masturbation it feels sooo good

teentee401 36

Wednesday 17 December 2014 2:08

So much YDI in one FML.

Toas7 0

Monday 20 April 2009 2:23

Any of you guys ever consider that he might've had blue balls or something? When your balls feel like they're gonna pop, you're gonna wanna do something about it asap, even if it is kinda freaky.... but seriously....that's kinda gross as shit.

whjmsical 0

Friday 24 April 2009 22:55

i hope you realise how much of a loser this makes you look like.

pochyfliesaway 4

Friday 19 October 2012 12:50

My thought exact

BvR 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 4:59

that's what you get for not paying

tydude14 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 4:48

GET OFF THE TRAIN YOU SICK **** AND TAKE A SEAT ON THE FAIL TRAIN

Milotiiic 9

Thursday 2 May 2013 12:22

Sit the **** down.

i_needa_username 17

Tuesday 24 February 2015 22:13

Why the HELL would you do that ???? Why the HELL didn't you have a ticket??? Why the HELL are you so ******* stupid??

Alexgoesfml 3

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:13

Blatantly fake. Fair enough make a fake post if it is the tiniest bit believable, but this was a terrible attempt. Why on earth would the guy unlock the door while you are in there. Secondly since when did carriages have keys for the bathroom, never unless traisn were designed horribly in america compared to britain.

angela3222 0

Sunday 28 November 2010 9:14

You ass, this was in France not America.

DoorMatCat 3

Saturday 26 February 2011 22:42

what if someone using the bathroom had a stroke/ heart attack? don't you think it would be appropriate for an employee to have a key of some sort if you're in serious medical trouble and can't open the door?