Work: Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her...

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 129

You deserved it 4 091

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
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Same thing different taste

By Whoopsie - 25/07/2018 05:00

Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 582

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 549

You deserved it 3 485

Easy mistake

By helper - 01/12/2009 06:15 - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 34 832

Timewaster

By HMM - 28/07/2010 11:42 - United States

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 3 004

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 368

You deserved it 24 017

By ouch... - 03/03/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 173

You deserved it 3 411

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 459

You deserved it 31 236

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 965

You deserved it 12 116

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 509

You deserved it 19 525

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 808

You deserved it 12 748

heyyou1203 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:05

:-( sorry dude, you were doing a great deed and you got injured. I'd still give you a pat on the back though.

lowfiwhiteguy 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:19

AICD's have been around for a long time. they work the same as the pads, sending massive wattage across your heart and will cause a convulsion in the limbs. go google it ffs.

Comments

mattiscool 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:42

lmao!

Dunebuggy569 5

Sunday 14 February 2010 4:49

Good sir I respect the sacrafice of your balls for her life. Haha

wanted_2_want 40

Wednesday 23 December 2015 14:31

That must've been a shocking experience. LOL

musiclover727 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:45

internal defibrillator? no such thing. good try

katie_bby 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:45

lmfao, wowwwwww, fail.

Hunthas 17

Saturday 24 April 2010 5:36

the same thing happened to me, except with raccoons :(

TurtleGenius 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:46

Bet wou weren't expecting to get any action with her...

canttaketheheat 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 20:07

it would be very sad if the only action he could hat was from an inconcious woman who wasn't breathing

meepmerp 20

Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:01

Shut up #114

losergirl 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:46

...false. Internal defibrillator? I think you need to take the CPR class. You obviously haven't been paying attention.

yer_maw 1

Monday 25 May 2009 21:46

punched in the nuts by a passed out woman, yass.

v42136 0

Saturday 26 June 2010 19:45

I didn't your mom last night

VioletStrange 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:48

haha, FAIL.

wordup91 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:49

#2, honestly? there is this new website called google, you might want to try it out sometime. http://www.defibinfo.com/internal-defibrillator/

hopiee 0

Monday 25 May 2009 21:51

touchy touchy D:

gertrude7 9

Monday 25 May 2009 21:52

2 & 5... yes, it exists. I looked it up, and apparently it's something put into people with a high risk for cardiac problems. Like, similar to a pacemaker or something...