Intimacy: Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering.... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/03/2012 04:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 052

You deserved it 4 684

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 283

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 523

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 3 342

Just a question

By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 14:00

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 073

You deserved it 258

Let's get it on

By chief623 - 01/10/2023 16:00 - United States - Ashland

Spicy

Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 120

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 701

You deserved it 6 765

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Spicy

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 7 635

By locksmack - 14/06/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 58 063

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 470

By lateralligator - 12/12/2014 16:35 - Canada - Whitchurch-stouffville

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 996

You deserved it 4 606

Next

Top comments

btstig 11

Monday 12 March 2012 12:05

Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".

808Boyo 4

Monday 12 March 2012 12:04

Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"

Comments

ksmooch21 0

Monday 12 March 2012 20:13

O wow!!! She deserves to be ignored big time for that one!!! And tell her she is the cause of the shrinkage ... Ugh shame on her .. Ouch

5t3ff1k4h 44

Monday 12 March 2012 20:37

Yep, petty insults like "you're the cause of my shrinkage" are sure to win you an argument.

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 12 March 2012 20:20

Lmfao.

EmilytheRunner68 5

Monday 12 March 2012 21:04

You got one dumbass wife! No offence, who does that?! She has problems!! Just sayin.

Rxoxdx 0

Monday 12 March 2012 21:06

******* jeez dude!! It's usually te guy who is immature! Did u at least tell her why guys get shrinkage?

AlphonsoFMLtimes 4

Monday 12 March 2012 21:07

Bite her ****** tonite thenXD

AlphonsoFMLtimes 4

Monday 12 March 2012 21:09

Bite her ****** off!!!

vaughant 5

Monday 12 March 2012 21:19

Hahahaha! Duuude that sucks I'm so gunna do that!

charlieinfinite 1

Tuesday 13 March 2012 23:40

And now we know why you can't keep a man...

warmmilk 1

Monday 12 March 2012 21:35

That may be code for rough sex...

LLLP 0

Monday 12 March 2012 21:48

Divorce

keneda21_fml 0

Monday 12 March 2012 22:26

Blame ur parents for removing your natural giving protective helmet on your pecker.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Tuesday 13 March 2012 0:30

Nobody said OP was circumcised.

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12

Keywords

Transportation Poopoo peepee Cars Awkward Dentist Health Shopping My ex Love Cats Animals Work Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird Vacation Holidays Family AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Funerals Relatable Harassment Engagement Food Ironic Technology

The Top

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 207

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 743

You deserved it 17 913

The Top

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 479

You deserved it 3 825

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 415

You deserved it 3 129

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 172

You deserved it 5 864

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 789

You deserved it 6 654

Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 137

Today, I sent a tweet to my favourite artist to tell him that I loved his work. He replied that I was being rude and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 134