Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted... - FML

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 32 852

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 590

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 551

You deserved it 26 131

By annoyed - 20/02/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 198

You deserved it 2 770

By Anonymous - 29/10/2011 07:43 - United States

Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 465

You deserved it 23 832

Smashing awakening

By charapos - 06/02/2022 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 229

Light sentence

By ClumsyTeen - 13/05/2021 23:57 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 2 194

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 438

By Kaz - 07/05/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 586

You deserved it 50 276

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 309

Next

Top comments

linkinpark98 23

Wednesday 2 May 2012 8:18

Wow... I guess Windex really does do wonders!

a1f0sff 25

Wednesday 2 May 2012 8:17

Smart.

Comments

LookOnBrightSide 12

Wednesday 2 May 2012 9:53

13-You can also get high, but not the best idea ever without acting sketchy.

j_cat187 19

Wednesday 2 May 2012 10:03

If she was drunk, she should have stayed at the party. There is noting worse than trying to fake it in an auto.

Il_Maestro 6

Wednesday 2 May 2012 10:06

Hasn't anyone seen those Windex commercials? Happens to everyone

missydee21 3

Wednesday 2 May 2012 10:11

Hahaha that's so ******* funny

ledzepp666 1

Wednesday 2 May 2012 10:46

i love your nickname OP.. he he

doubleea 3

Wednesday 2 May 2012 12:23

Like a true Australian! This makes me proud.

Lily_lops95 0

Wednesday 2 May 2012 14:07

Justin bieber...I knew you had a shitty life but seriously..no one wants you at their party

aileen15 15

Wednesday 2 May 2012 14:42

goodness how hard did you hit to make it wake up ur mom!?haha

poohappens26 0

Wednesday 2 May 2012 15:47

Who cares..when I was a younger I just walked my happy ass in the house.. What was she going to do? Ground me? Boohoo.. I just walked out the next night.. Teenagers are such little wimps.. Scared of the momma

I_Punch_Babies 7

Wednesday 2 May 2012 17:23

changed your mind about sneaking in i take it?

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The Top

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 390

Today, my family has been unsuccessfully trying to stop my sister's energy drink addiction. She's not even 30, but the doctors say her heart health (or lack thereof) is roughly equivalent to a person over twice her age. She probably won't even live to 40 at this rate, which makes us sad. Why won't she listen to us? FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 75

The Top

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 369

You deserved it 5 779

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as, "My other girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 774

You deserved it 4 097

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 2 298

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 069

You deserved it 1 741

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 731

You deserved it 27 749

Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 559

You deserved it 1 176