Health: Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a...

By asstomouth - 29/05/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 120

You deserved it 9 639

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 18/09/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 559

You deserved it 5 580

By egged - 08/07/2014 01:41 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I have a really high fever and my sister thought I was hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish, but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 316

You deserved it 3 648

Clusterfuck

By Alexis - 18/08/2021 00:00

Today, I went to the doctor's office to get my yearly check up. Soon after I got home, I threw up and somehow had a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 83

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 13 632

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 04:56 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 628

You deserved it 3 785

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 720

You deserved it 4 258

By Anonymous - 20/06/2019 12:41

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 118

By bcoper - 20/02/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 393

You deserved it 3 273

Out of it

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 05:01

Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 365

By missy - 09/03/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 430

You deserved it 8 668

yatoast 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 1:04

******* VOM... I'm a nurse and that's just gross!!!!

Freeze_fml 16

Sunday 30 May 2010 1:06

Rectal thermometers? Don't even want to know.

Comments

biomassive 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:22

O_0 ass-mouth move...

johnjack87 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:23

Valentina watever shut up ur jokes r terrible

Valentina_Baby 7

Sunday 30 May 2010 6:20

I never said a joke idiot

sindy23 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:33

haha what did it taste like??

mememewtp 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:34

wow. i thought my life was effed

hahafmlyo 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:36

ewwww!!!!!!!

I_have_no_clue 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 5:13

#34 FTW!!!!!!!!

Jonscarl 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 5:30

yet. epecialy after that

Jonscarl 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 5:32

27 .how old are you? and your already knocked up. man u shoulda used something up the but instead of were u put it

jessxoxo28 5

Sunday 30 May 2010 6:28

i just gagged

iBramoh 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 6:29

idiot

Keywords

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Today, I went out to dinner with a cute, funny, smart, amazing girl. Or at least I thought she was cute, until she started coughing after her meal. She explained that she coughs after she eats. Can you say dealbreaker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 615

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

The Top

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 474

You deserved it 40 093

Today, my husband guilt-tripped me for buying a $14 purse. According to him, my old one, with its busted zipper, frayed hems and holes in the interior, was still “perfectly good to hold all your crap.” I literally only have one purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 112

Today, I worked for 4 hours and made $28.00. I have $1500 of bills coming due soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 197

Today, my visiting mother-in-law announced she plans on moving to our state and living next door. When I said that's not going to happen, she chuckled and said, "It's happening, Kate." Kate is my husband's ex-girlfriend from 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 289

You deserved it 354

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 135

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 625

You deserved it 1 508

Same thing different taste

Clusterfuck

Out of it

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