Love: Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight....

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 373

You deserved it 3 628

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 542

You deserved it 5 203

By OMFG I LOVE MLP - 24/08/2012 21:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 943

You deserved it 3 794

NEXT!

By Kristie - 03/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 169

Generation III

By Brock - 02/02/2013 21:20 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 767

You deserved it 39 266

If you can't handle me at my worst…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 00:01

Today, my date got a cold before our date and accidentally took medicine that makes you drowsy before we went out. Two glasses of red later to calm her nerves, she yelled at a waiter, threw her shoe at the chef, then passed out on the table. I’m going to marry this girl, just you watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 20:57 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 807

You deserved it 4 823

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 701

You deserved it 11 368

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

By Jonathan Park - 05/03/2020 09:06 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 177

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 774

You deserved it 6 273

Impressive!

By ol faithful - 03/09/2011 09:24 - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 911

You deserved it 41 902

Liamj774 36

Friday 29 August 2014 5:30

She sure sounds like a keeper

Earths_Venus 25

Friday 29 August 2014 5:36

'Check please' or 'check if she's still breathing please'?

Comments

ChildrenOfFilth 12

Friday 29 August 2014 7:05

Next time go to a bar or club with her. Make it fun. Not embarrassing.

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 29 August 2014 18:02

So she could just get drunk and pass out again, but in a different location? Still embarrassing.

Druu 53

Friday 29 August 2014 7:33

Well, seeing as a blueberry and blackberry look nothing alike, a black blueberry makes at least a bit of sense.

PerditaDessa 38

Friday 29 August 2014 7:53

I know a lad who gets drunk off a half a bottle of Mike's hard so if you don't want her we can set them up. Things in common and all that.

noah_1234 24

Friday 29 August 2014 8:31

that must've been one hell of a night for you

shaunr40k 20

Friday 29 August 2014 9:49

Sounds like someone's getting lucky

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 29 August 2014 18:04

Yeah, OP! Who doesn't want to be a rapist?!

ironhead_fml 20

Friday 29 August 2014 10:35

You lucky dog!

xaru 21

Friday 29 August 2014 10:38

Sooooooooo…did you have sex?

j_cat187 19

Friday 29 August 2014 17:37

rape?

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 29 August 2014 18:05

You're scum if you think it's okay to take advantage of a girl like that. (Or anyone in that situation)

Frostillicus123 10

Friday 29 August 2014 11:03

I've dated her, ort her trashy counter part. you'll want to exit stage right asap.

mld4657 28

Friday 29 August 2014 13:41

I... just... um all I can think of is the line from wonka, I've got a blueberry for a daughter...

blueknight1st 26

Friday 29 August 2014 14:19

This happened to me once. I lifted her head placed a $20 under it and left. I can tolerate drinking but when it goes from drinking to drunk I'm out. I don't waste my time on alcoholics.