Love: Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see...

FML for mobile
Free

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 666

You deserved it 13 165

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Weird movie choice

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 00:01

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 384

By harrysolo - 19/07/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 576

You deserved it 65 218

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 290

By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 798

You deserved it 1 924

By fredfredburger - 25/06/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 420

You deserved it 13 818

Hey… you

By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - 09/12/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 189

You deserved it 8 142

Date night

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 792

You deserved it 1 612

By StayPositive - 03/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 9 618

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 689

You deserved it 25 666

Rellich 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:33

I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...

smiller0789 3

Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:31

******...up

Comments

Fuzzy_Mama_Llama 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 5:20

Hmmmm.... I think I'd rather have my whole body engulfed in fire than watch New Moon.....

lilylovee 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 5:59

that's what you get for hatin on new moon it was like 639252832629 times better then the first one and (edward) Robert Patterson is ugly!!! Taylor lautner is ****** hotttt!!!!

did_it_4_lulz 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 6:24

YDI for going to see New Moon on a date. Should have taken her to get some mcnuggets, and then your facial hair wouldn't have caught fire.

DutchCourage 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 8:51

YDI for having a beard

fegd 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 9:40

What kind of date is that?

IMB916 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 9:46

I'm not one of those people who says YDI for everything but seriously? Beards are terrible. TERRIBLE. get rid of it. Maybe the girl was trying to send u a message

chefajhatter 1

Wednesday 2 December 2009 10:11

Where the hell are you picking up women? Compton? Epic failure, dude. if she is stealing, and setting you on fire in the same date... perhaps you should change strategies.

me_8o 1

Wednesday 2 December 2009 11:58

and that is why you don't waste money to go see a movie where every idiotic female will be gasping over a guy who tries to act as if he is a sparkly vampire. i'm a girl. i think twilight is pathetic. because it is.